Menaecmi. A pleaſant and fine Conceited Comædie, taken out of the moſt excellent wittie Poet Plautus: choſen purpoſely from out the rest, as leaſt harmefull, and yet moſt delightfull

Menaecmi.A pleaſant and fine Conceited Comædie, taken out of the moſtexcellent wittie Poet Plautus: choſen purpoſely from out the rest,as leaſt harmefull, and yet moſt delightfull.

Writtenin Engliſh, by VV. VV.

LONDON

Printedby Tho. Creede, and are to be ſold by William Barly, at his ſhop inGratious ſtreete.

1595

ThePrinter to the Readers.

Thewriter hereof (louing Readers) hauing diuerſe of this PoettesComedies Englished, for the uſe and delight of his priuate friends,who in Plautus owne words are not able to understand them : I hauepreuailed ſo far with him as to let this one go farther abroad, fora publike recreation and delight to all thoſe, that affect thediuerſe ſorts of bookes compiled in this kind, wherof (in myiudgement) in harmleſſe mirth and quickneſſe of fine conceit, themost of them come far short of this. And although I found him veryloath and unwilling to hazard this to the curious view of enuiousdetraction, (being as the tels mee) neither ſo exactly written, asit may carry any name of a Tranſlation, nor ſuch liberties therinuſed, as that he would notoriouſly varie from the Poets owne order: yet ſith it is onely a matter of meriment, and the litlealteration therof, can breede no detriment of importance , I haueouer-rulde him ſo farre, as to let this be offered to your courteousacceptance, and if you shall applaude his litle labour heerein, Idoubt not but he will endeuour to gratifie you with ſome of the reſtbetter laboured, and more curiouſly pollished.

Farewell.

*Where you finde this marke, the Poets conceit is ſomewhat altred, byoccaſion either of the time, the country, or the phraſe.

TheArgument.

*Two Twinborne ſonnes, a Sicill marchand had,

Menechmusone, and Soſicles the other:

Thefirſt his Father loſt a litle Lad,

TheGrandſire namde the latter like his brother.

This(growne a man)long trauell tooke to ſeeke,

HisBrother, and to Epidamnum came,

Whereth’other dwels inricht, and him ſo like,

ThatCitizens there take him for the ſame:

Father,wife, neighbours, each miſtaking either,

Muchpleaſant error, ere they meete togither.

Apleaſant and fine Conceited Comædie called Menechmus,taken out of the moſt excellent Poet Plautus

Act.i.Scene. I.

EnterPeniculus aParaſite.

Peniculuswasgiuen mee for my name when I was yong, bicauſe like a broome I ſweptall clean away , where ſo ere I become : Namely all the vittelswhich are ſet before mee. Now in my iudgement , men that clap ironbolts on captiues as the would keepſsake, and tie thoſe ſeruantsin chaines, who they thinkes will run away, they commit an exceedinggreat folly: my reaſon is, theſe poore wretches enduring onemiſerie vpon another, neuer ceaſe deuiſing how by wrenchingaſunder their giues, or by ſome ſubtiltie or other they may eſcapeſuch curſed bands.
If then ye would keep a man without allſuſpition of running away from ye, the ſureſt way is to tie himwith meate, drinke, and eaſe: Let him euer be idle, eate his bellyfull, and carouſe while his skin will hold, and he ſhall neuer Iwarrant ye, ſtir a foote. Theſe ſtrings to tie one by the teeth,paſſe all the bands of iron, ſteele, or what mettall ſo euer, forthe more ſlack and eaſie ye make them, the faſter ſtill they tiethe partie which is in them. I ſpeake this vpon experience of myſelfe, who am now going for Menechmus,there willingly to be tied to his goode cheare : he is commonly ſoexceeding bountifull and liberall in his fare, as no maueryle thoughſuch gueſtes as my ſelfe be drawne to his Table, and tyed there inhis diſhes. Now becauſe I haue lately bene a ſstraunger there, Imeane to viſite him at dinner: for my ſtomacke mee-thinkes euerthruſts me into the fetters of his daintie fare. But yonder I hisdoore open, and himſelfe readie to come foorth.

Scene2.

EnterMenechmus talking backe to his wife within.

Ifye were not a brabling foole and mad-braine ſcold as yee are, yeewould neuer thus croſſe your husbande in all actions. Tis nomatter, let her ferue me thus once more, Ile ſend her home to herdad with a vengeance. I can neuer go foorth a doors, but ſhee askethmee whither I go? what I do? what buſines? what I fetch?what Icarry? *As though ſhe were a Conſtable, or a tollgatherer. I hauepamperd her too much: ſhe hath ſeruants about her, wooll, flax, andall things neceſſary to buſie her withall, yet ſhe watcheth &wondreth whither I go. Well ſith it is ſo, ſhe ſhall now haueſome cauſe, i mean to dine this day abroad with a ſweet friend ofmine.

Peniculus

Yeamary now comes hee to the point that prickes me: this laſt ſpeechganles mee as much as it would doo his wife; If he dine not at home,i am dreſt.

Menechmus

Wethat haue Loues abroad , and wiues at home, are miſerably hampred,yet would euery man could tame his ſhrewe as well as I doo mine. Ihaue now filcht away a fine ryding cloake of my wiues, which I meaneto beſtow vpon one that I loue better. Nay, if ſhe be ſo warie andwatchfull ouer me, i count it an almes deed to deceiue her.

Peniculus

Come,what ſhare haue I in that ſame?

Menechmus

Outalas, i am taken.

Peniculus

True,but by your friend.

Menechmus

What,mine owne Peniculus?

Peniculus

Yours(ifaith) bodie and goods if I had any.

Menechmus

Whythou haſt a bodie.

Peniculus

Yea,but neither goods nor good bodie.

Menechmus

Thoucouldſt neuer come fitter in all thy life.

Peniculus

Tuſh,i euer do ſo to my friends, i know how to come alwaies in the nicke.Where dine ye today?

Menechmus

Iletell thee of a notable pranke.

Peniculus

Whatdid the Cooke marre your meate in the dreſſing? Would I might ſeethe reuerſion.

Menechmus

Tellme didſt thou ſee a picture, how IupitersEagle ſnatcht away Ganimede,or how Venusſtole away Adonis.

Peniculus

Often, but what care I for ſhadowes , I want ſubſtance.

Menechmus

Lookethee here, looke not I like ſuch a picture?

Peniculus

Oho,what cloake haue ye got here?

Menechmus

Pretheeſay I am now a braue fellow.

Peniculus

Buthearke ye, where ſhall we dine?

Menechmus

Tuſh,ſay as I bid thee man.

Peniculus

Outof doubt ye are a fine man.

Menechmus

What?canſt adde nothing of thine owne?

Peniculus

Yeare a moſt pleaſant Gentleman.

Menechmus

Onyet.

Peniculus

Naynot a word more, vnleſſe ye tell mee how you and your wife befallen out.

Menechmus

NayI haue a greater ſecret then that to impart to thee.

Peniculus

Sayyour minde.

Menechmus

Comefarther this way from my houſe.

Peniculus

So,let me heare.

Menechmus

Nayfarther yet.

Peniculus

Iwarrant ye man.

Menechmus

Whythou haſt a bodie.

Peniculus

True,but by your friend.

*Menechmus

Nayyet farther.

Peniculus

Tispittie ye were not made a water-man to row in a wherry.

Menechmus

Why?

Peniculus

Becauſeye go one way, and looke an other, ſtil leaſt your wife ſhouldfollow ye. But what’s the matter, Iſt not almoſt dinner time?

Menechmus

Seeſtthou this cloake?

Peniculus

Notyet. Well what of it?

Menechmus

Thisfame I meane to giue to Erotium.

Peniculus

That’swell, but what of all this?

Menechmus

ThereI meane to haue a delicious dinner prepard for her and me.

Peniculus

Andme?

Menechmus

Andthee.

Peniculus

Oſweet word. What,ſhall I knock preſently at her doore?

Menechmus

Iknocke. But ſtaie too Peniculus,let’s not be too raſh. Oh ſee ſhee is in good time coming forth.

Peniculus

Ah,he now lookes againſt the Sun, how her beames dazell his eyes.

EnterErotium.

Erotium

Whatmine owne Menechmus,welcome ſweete heart.

Peniculus

Andwhat am I, welcome too?

Erotium

Youſir? ye are out of the number of my welcome gueſts.

*Peniculus

Iam like a voluntary ſouldier, out of paie.

Menechmus

Erotium,I haue determined that here ſhalbe pitcht a field this day ; we meane to drinke for the heauens : Andwhich of vs performes the braueſt ſeruice at his weopon the wineboll, your ſelfe as Captaine ſhall paie him his wages according tohis deſerts.

Erotium

Agreed.

Peniculus

Iwould we had the weapons , for my valour pricks me to the battaile.

Menechmus

ShallI tell thee ſweete mouſe? I neuer looke vpon thee, but I am quiteout ot loue with my wife.

Erotium

Yetyee cannot chuſe , but yee muſt ſtill weare ſomething of hers:what this ſame?

Menechmus

This?ſuch a ſpoyle (ſweete heart) as I tooke from her to put on thee.

Erotium

Mineowne Menechmus,well woorthe to bee my deare, of all deareſt.

Peniculus

Nowſhe ſhowes her ſelfe in her likeneſſe, when ſhee findes him inthe giuing vaine, ſhe drawes cloſe to him.

Menechmus

Ithinke Herculesgot not the garter from Hypolitaſo hardly, as I got this from my wife. Take this, and with the ſame,take my heart.

Peniculus

Thusthey muſt do that are right Louers:eſpecially if they meane tobeggers with ane ſpeed.

Menechmus

Ibought this ſame of late for my wife, it ſtood mee (I thinke) inſome ten pound

Peniculus

There’stenne pounde beſtowed verie thriftily.

Menechmus.

Butknowe yee what I woulde haue yee doo?

Erotium

Itſhall bee done, your dinner ſhall be readie.

*Menechmus

Leta good dinner be made for vs three. Harke ye, ſome oyſters, amary-bone pie or two, ſome artichockes, and potato rootes, let ourother diſhes be as you pleaſe.

Erotium

Youſhall ſir.

Menechmus

Ihaue a litle buſineſſe in this Citties , by that time dinner willbe prepared. Farewell till then, ſweete Erotium:Come Peniculus.

Peniculus

NayI meane to follow yee : I will ſooner leeſe my life, then fight ofyou till this dinner be done.

Exeunt.

Erotium

Who’sthere? Call mee Cylindrus the Cooke hither.

EnterCylindrus.

Cylindrus,take the Hand-basket , and heere , there’s ten ſhillings is therenot?

Cylindrus

Tisſo miſtreſſe.

Erotium

Buymee of all the daintieſt meates ye can get, ye know what I meane: ſoas three may dine paſſing well , and yet no more then inough.

Cylindrus

Whatgueſts haue ye to day miſtreſſe?

Erotium

Herewill be Menechmusand his Paraſite, and my ſelfe.

Cylindrus

That’sten perſons in all.

Erotium

Howmany?

Cylindrus

Ten,for I warrant you, that Paraſite may ſtand for eight at hisvittels.

Erotium

Godiſpatch as I bid you, and looke ye returne with all ſpeed.

Cylindrus

Iwill haue all readie with a trice.

Exeunt.

Act.2. Scen.1.

EnterMenechmus,Soſicles. Meſſeniohis ſeruant, and ſome Saylers.

Menechmus

SurelyMeſſenio,I thinke Sea-fairers neuer take ſo comfortable a ioy in any thing,as when they haue bene long toft and turmoylde in the wide ſeas,they hap at laſt to ken land.

Meſſenio

Ilebe ſworn, I ſhuld not be gladder to ſee a whole Country of mineowne, then I haue bene at ſuch a ſight. But I pray, wherfore are wenow come to Epidamnum?muſtwe needs go to ſee euerie Towne that we heare off?

Menechmus

TillI finde my brother, all Townes are alike to me: I muſt trie in allplaces.

Meſſenio

Whythen let’s euen as long as wee liue ſeeke your brother: ſixyeares now haue we roamde about thus, Iſtria,Hiſpania,Maſsylia,Ilyria,all the vpper ſea, all high Greece,all Hauen Towns in Italy,I think if we had ſought a needle all this time, we muſt needs hauefound it, had it bene aboue ground. It cannot be that he is aliue,and to ſeek a dead man thus among the liuing, what folly is it?

Menechmus

Yea,could I but once find any man that could certainly enforme me of hisdeath, I were ſatisfied ; otherwiſe I can neuer deſiſtſeecking:Litle knoweſt thou Meſſeniohow neare my heart it goes.

Meſſenio

Thisis waſhing of a Blackamore. Faith let’s goe home, vnleſſe yemeane we ſhould write a ſtories of our trauaile.

Menechmus

Sirra,no more of theſe ſawcie ſpeeches, I perceiue I muſt teach ye howto ſerue me, not to rule me.

Meſſenio

I,ſo, now it appears what it is to be a ſeruant. Wel yet I muſtſpeake my conſcience. Do ye heare ſir? Faith I muſt tell ye onething, when I looke into the leane eſtate of your purſe, andconſider aduiſedly of your decaying ſtocke, I hold it verieneedfull to be drawing homeward, leſt in loo- king your brother, wequite loſe our ſelves. For this aſſure your ſelfe , this TowneEpidamnum,is a place of outragious expences, exceeding in all ryot andlaſciouſneſſe: and (I heare) as full of Ribaulds, paraſites,drunkards, Catchpoles, Cony-catchers, and Sycophants, as it canhold:then for Curtizans, why here’s the curranteſt ſtamp of themin the world. Ye muſt not thinke here to ſcape with as light coſtas in other places. The verie name ſhews the nature, no man comeshither ſinedamno.

Menechmus

Yeeſay very well indeed: giue mee my purſe into mine owne keeping,becauſe I will ſo be the ſafer, ſinedamno.

Meſſenio

Whyſir?

Menechmus

BecauſeI feare you wil be buſie among the the Curtizans,& ſo becoſened of it: then ſhould I take great paines in belabouring yourſhoulders, ſo to auoid both theſe harms, Ile keep it my ſelfe.

Meſſenio

Ipray do ſo ſir, all the better.

EnterCylindrus.

*I haue tickling geare here yfaith for ther dinners: It grieues me tothe hear to think how that cormorant knaue
Peniculusmuſt haue his ſhare in theſe dainties morſels. But what ? IsMenechmuscome alreadie, before I could come from the Market? Menechmushow do ye ſir? how haps it ye come ſo ſoone?

Menechmus

Goda mercy my good friend, doeſt thou know mee?

Cylindrus

Knowye? no not I. Where’s mouldichappes that muſt dine with ye? Amurrin on his manners.

Menechmus

Whommeaneſt thou good fellow?

Cylindrus

WhyPeniculusworſhip, that whorſon lick-trencher, your Paraſiticall attendant.

Menechmus

WhatPeniculus?what attendant? My Attendant? Surely this fellow is mad.

Meſſenio

Didnot I tell ye what cony-catching villaines yee ſhould finde here?

Cylindrus

Menechmus,harke ye ſir, ye come too ſoone backe a- gain to dinner, i am butreturned from the Market.

Menechmus

Fellow,here thou ſhalt haue money of me, goe get the prieſt to ſacrificefor thee. I know thou art mad, els thou wouldſt neuer vſe aſstraunger thus?

Cylindrus

Alasſir, Cylindruswas wont to be no ſtranger to you, know ye not Cylindrus?

Menechmus

Cylindrus,orColiendrus,or what the diuell thou art, I know not, neither do I care to know.

Cylindrus

Iknow you to be Menechmus.

Menechmus

Thouſhuoldſt be in thy wits , in that thou nameſt me ſo right, buttell me, where haſt thou knowne me?

Cylindrus

Where?Euen heere, where ye firſt fell in loue with my miſtreſſeErotium.

Menechmus

Ineither haue Louer, neither knowe I who thou art.

Cylindrus

Knowye not who I am : who fils your cup & dreſſes your meate at ourhouſe?

Meſſenio

Whata ſlaue is this? That I had ſomewhat to break the Raſcals patewithall.

Menechmus

Atyour houſe, when as I neuer came in Epidamnumtill this day.

Cylindrus

Ohthat’s true. Do ye not dwell in yonder houſe?

Menechmus

Fouleſhame light vpon them that dwell there, for my part.

Cylindrus

Queſtionleſſe,hee is mad indeede, to curſe himſelfe thus. Harke ye Menechmus.

Menechmus

Whatſaiſt thou?

Cylindrus

IfI may aduiſe ye, ye ſhall beſtow this money which ye offred me,vpon a ſacrifice for you ſelfe : for out of doubt you are mad thatcurſe your ſelfe.

Meſſenio

Whata verlet art thoud to trouble vs thus?

Cylindrus

Tuſhhe wil many times ieſt with me thus.Yet when his wife is not by, tisa ridiculous ieſt.

Menechmus

VVhatsthat?

Cylindrus

ThisI ſay, Thinke ye I haue brought meate inough for three of you? Ifnot, ile fetche more for you and your wench, and ſnatchcruſt yourParaſite.

Menechmus

VVhatwenches? what Paraſites?

Meſſenio

Villaine,Ile make thee tell me what thou meaneſt by all this talke?

Cylindrus

AwayIack Napes, I ſay nothing to thee, for I know thee not, I ſpeake tohim that I know.

Menechmus

Outdrunken foole , without doubt thou art out of thy wits.

Cylindrus

Thatyou ſhall ſee by the dreſſing of your meat. Go, go, ye werebetter to go in and finde ſomewhat to do there, whiles your dinneris making readie. Ile tell my miſtreſſe ye be here.

Menechmus

Ishe gone? MeſſenioI thinke vppon thy words alreadie.

Meſſenio

Tuſhmarke I pray, ile laie fortie pound here dwels ſome Curtizan to whomthis fellow belong.

Menechmus

ButIwonder how he knowes my name.

Meſſenio

Ohile tell yee. Theſe Courtizans aſſoone as anie ſtraunge ſhippearriueth at the Hauen, they ſende a boye or a wench to enquire whatthey be, what their names be, //////// they come, wherefore theycome,&c. If they can by any meanes ſtrike acquaintance with him,or allure him to their houſes, he is their owne. We are here in atickle place maiſter, tis beſt to be circumſpect.

Menechmus

Imiſlike not thy counſaile Meſſenio.

Meſſenio

I,but follow it then. Soft, here comes ſomebodie forth. Here firs,Marriners, keep this ſame amongſt you.

EnterErotium.

Letthe doore ſtand ſo, away, it ſhall not be ſhure. Make haſtwithin there ho: maydes looke that all things be readie. Couer theboord, put fire vnder the perfuming pannes, let all things be veryhandſome. Where is hee, that Cylindrusſayd ſtood without here? Oh, what meane you ſweet heart, that yecome not in? I truſt you thinke your ſelfe more welcome to thishouſe then to your owne, and great reaſon why you ſhould do ſo.Your dinner & all things are readie as you wil- led.Will ye goſit downe?

Menechmus

Whomdoth this woman ſpeake to?

Erotium

Euento you ſir, to whom elſe ſhould I ſpeake?

Menechmus

Gentlewomanye are a ſtraunger to me, and I maruell at your ſpeeches.

Erotium

Yeaſir, but ſuch a ſtraunger, as I acknowledge ye for my beſt anddeareſt friend, and well you haue deſerued it.

Menechmus

SurelyMeſſenio,this woman is alſo mad or drunke, that vſeth all this kindneſſeto mee vppon ſo ſmall acquaintance.

Meſſenio

Tuſh,did not I tell ye right ? theſe be but leaues which fall vpon younow, in compariſon of the trees that wil tumble on your neckeſhortly. I tolde ye, here were ſiluer tong’de hacſters. But letme talke with her a litle. Gentlewoman what acquaintance haue youwith this man? where haue you ſeene him?

Erotium

Wherehe ſawe me, here in Epidamnum.

Cylindrus

Iknow you to be Menechmus.

Meſſenio

InEpidamnum?whoneuer till this day ſet his foote within the Towne.

Erotium

Go,go, flowting Iack. Menechmuswhat need al this? I pray go in.

Menechmus

Shealſo calls me by my name.

Meſſenio

Sheſmels your purſe.

Menechmus

Meſſeniocome hither, here take my purſe. Ile know whether ſhe aime at me ormy purſe, ere I go.

Erotium

Willye go in, to dinner ſir?

Menechmus

Agood motion, yea and thanks with all my heart.

Erotium

Neuerthanke me for that which you commaunded to be prouided for yourſelfe.

Menechmus

ThatI commaunded?

Erotium

Yea,for you and your Paraſite.

Menechmus

MyParaſite?

Erotium

Peniculus,who came with you this morning when you brought me the cloake whichyou got from your wife.

Menechmus

Acloake that I brought you, which I got from my wife?

Erotium

Tuſhwhat needeth all this ieſting? Pray leaue off.

Menechmus

Ieſtor earneſt, this I tell ye for a truth. I neuer had wife, neitherhaue I, nor neuer was in this place till this inſtant: for only thusfarre am I come, ſince I brake my faſt in the ſhip.

Erotium

Whatſhipdo ye tell me off?

*Meſſenio

Marryile tell ye, an old rotten weather-beaten ſhip, that we haue ſaildvp and downe in this ſixe yeares, Iſt not time to be goinghomewards thinke ye?

Erotium

Come,come, menechmus,i pray leaue this ſporting and go in.

Menechmus

WellGentlewoman, the truth is, you miſtake my perſon, it is ſome otherthat you looke for.

Erotium

Why,thinke ye I know ye not to be Menechmus,the ſonne of Moſchus,and haue heard ye ſay, ye were borne at Syracuſis,where Agathoclesdid raigne, then Pythia,then Liparo,and now Hiero.

Menechmus

Allthis is true.

Meſſenio

Eitherſhee is a witch, or elſe ſhee hath dwelt there and knew ye there.

Menechmus

Ilegoe in with her Meſſenio,Ile ſee further of this matter.

Meſſenio

Yeare caſt away then.

Menechmus

Whyſo? I warrant thee. I can looſe nothing, ſomwhat I ſhall gaine,perhaps a good lodging during my abode heere. Ile diſſemble withher an other while. Noew when you pleaſe let vs go in, I madeſtraunge with you, becauſe of this fellow here, leaſt he ſhouldtell my wife of the cloake which I gaue you.

Erotium

Willye ſtaie any longer for your Peniculusyour Paraſite?

Menechmus

NotI, Ile neither ſtaie for him, nor haue him let come in, if he docome.

Erotium

Allthe better. But ſir, will yee doo one thing for me.

Menechmus

Whatis that?

Erotium

Tobeare that cloake which you gaue me, to the Diars, to haue it newtrimd and altred.

Menechmus

Yeathat will be well, ſo my wife ſhall not know it. Let mee haue itwith mee after dinner. I will but ſpeake a worde or two with thisfellowe , then ile follow yee in. Ho Meſſeniocome aſide:goe and prouide for thy ſelfe, and theſe ſhipboyes inſome Inne, then looke that after dinner you come hither for me.

Meſſenio

Ahmaiſter will yee be conycatcht thus wilfully.

Menechmus

Peacefolliſh knaue, ſeeſt thou not what a ſot ſhe is, i ſhall coozenher I warrant thee.

Meſſenio

Aymaiſter.

Menechmus

Wiltthou be gone?

*Meſſenio

See,ſee, ſhe hath him ſafe inough now. Thus he hath eſcaped ahundreth Pyrates hands at ſea : and now one land-rouer hath bourdedhim at firſt encounter. Come away fellowes.

Act.3.

EnterPeniculus.

*Twentieyeares I thinke and more, haue I playde the knaue, yet neuer playd Ithe fooliſh knaue as I Haue done this morning. I follow Menechmus,and he goes to the Hall where now the Seſſions are holden: therethruſting our ſelues into the preaſe of people, when I was inmidſt of all the throng, he gaue me the ſlip, that I could neuermore ſet eye on him, and I dare ſweare, came directly to dinner.That I would he that firſt deuiſed theſe Seſſions were hang’d,and all that euer came of him:tis ſuch a hinderance to men that hauebelly buſineſſ in hand. If a man be
not there at his call,they amearce him with a vengeance. Men that haue nothing elſe to do,that do neither bid anie man, nor are themſelues bidden todinner,ſuch ſhould come to Seſſions, not we that haue theſematters to looke too. If it were ſ, i had not thus loſt my dinnerthis day:which I think in my conſcience he did euen purpoſelycouzen me off. Yet I meane to go ſee : If I can but light vppon thereuerſion, I may perhaps get my peny-worthes. But how now? is thisMenechmuscoming away from thence? dinner done, and all diſpacht? whatexecrable lucke haue I?

EnterMenechmusthe trauailer.

TuſhI warrant ye, it ſhall be done as ye would wiſh, Ile haue it ſoaltered and trimd anew, that it ſhall by no meanes be knowne againe.

Peniculus

Hecarries the cloake to the Dyars, dinner done, the wine drunke vp, theParaſite ſhut out of doores.Well, let me liue no longer, but ilereuenge this iniurious mockerie. But firſt ile harken awhile what heſaith.

Menechmus

Goodgoddes, who euer had ſuch lucke as I? Such cheare, ſuch a dinner,ſuch kinde entertainment: And for a farewell, this cloake which ismeane ſhall go with me.

Peniculus

Heſpeakes ſo ſoftly, I cannot heare what hee ſaith, I am ſure heis now flowting at me for the loſſe of my dinner.

Menechmus

Shetels me how I gaue it her, and ſtole it from my wife. When Iperceiued ſhe was in an error, though I knew not how, I began toſooth her, and to ſay euery thing as ſhe ſaid. Meane while Ifar’d well, and that a free coſt.

Peniculus

Well,i’le go talke with him.

Menechmus

Whois this ſame that comes to me?

Peniculus

Owell met fickle-braine, falſe and treacherous dealer, craftie andvniuſt promiſe breaker. How haue I deſerued, you ſhould ſo giueme the ſlip, come before and diſpatch the dinner, deale ſo badlywith him that hath reuerenſt ye like a ſonne.

Menechmus

Goodfellow what meaneſt thou by theſe ſpeeches? Raile not on mee,vnleſſe thous intendſt to receiue a Railers hire.

Peniculus

Ihaue receiued the iniury(ſure I am)alreadie.

Menechmus

Pretheetell me, what is thy name?

Peniculus

Well,well, mock on ſir, mock on, doo ye not know my name?

Menechmus

Introth I neuer ſawe thee in all my life, much leſſe do I know thee.

Peniculus

Fie,awake Menechmusawake, ye ouerſleepe your ſelfe.

Menechmus

Iam awake, i know what I ſay.

Peniculus

Knowyou not Peniculus?

Menechmus

Peniculus,or Pediculus,i know thee not.

Peniculus

Didye filch a cloake from your wife this morning, and bring it hither toErotium?

Menechmus

Neitherhaue I wife, neither gaue I any cloake to Erotium,neither filcht I any from any bodie.

Peniculus

Willye denie that which you did in my company?

Peniculus

Wliththou ſay I haue done this in thy company?

Peniculus

VvillI ſay it? Yea I will ſtand to it.

Menechmus

Awayfilthie mad driuell away, I will talke no longer with thee.

Peniculus

Nota world of men ſhall ſtaie me, but ile go tell his wife of all thewhole matter, ſith he is at this point with me I will make this ſameas vnfleſt a dinner as euer he eate.

Menechmus

Itmakes mee wonder, to ſee how euery one that meetes me cauils thuswith me. Vvherefore comes foorth the mayd now?

EnterAncilla,Erotiumsmayd.

Menechmus,my miſtreſſe commends her hartily to you, and ſeeing you goe thatway to the Dyars, ſhee alſo deſireth you to take this Chaine withyou, and put it to mending at the Goldſmythes, ſhee would haue twoor three ounces of gold more in it, and the faſhion amended.

Menechmus

Eitherthis or any thing elſe within my power, tell her, I am readie toaccompliſh.

Ancilla

Doye know this Cahine ſir?

Menechmus

YeaI know it to be gold.

Ancilla

Thisis the ſameyou once tooke out of your wiues Casket.

Menechmus

Vvho,did I?

Ancilla

Haueyou forgotten?

Menechmus

Ineuer did it.

Ancilla

Giueit me againe then.

Menechmus

Tarry,yes I remember it: tis it I gaue you miſtress.

Ancilla

Oh,are ye aduiſed?

Menechmus

Vvhereare the bracelets that I gaue her likewiſe?

Ancilla

Ineuer knew of anie

Menechmus

Faith,when Igaue this, i gaue them too.

Ancilla

Vvellſir, ile tell her this ſhall be done.

Menechmus

I,i, tell her ſo , ſhee ſhall haue the cloake and this bothtogither.

Ancilla

Ipray Menechmus,put a litle iewell for my eare to making for me, ye know Iam alwaies readie to pleaſure you.

Menechmus

Iwill,giue mee the golde, ile paie for the workemanſhip.

Ancilla

Laieout for me, ile paie it ye againe.

Menechmus

AlasI haue none now.

Ancilla

Whenyou haue, will ye?

Menechmus

Iwill. Goe bid your miſtreſſe make no doubt of theſe, I warranther, ile make the beſt hand I can of them. Is
ſhe gone? Doonot all the gods conſpire to loade mee with good lucke? well I ſeetis high time to get mee out of theſe coaſts, leaſt all theſematters ſhould be lewd deuiſed to draw me into ſome ſnare. Thereſhall my garland lie, beacuſe if they ſeeke me, they may thinke Iam gone that way. * Iwil now goe ſee if Ican finde my man Meſſenio,that Imay tell him how Iſ haue ſped.

Act.4.

EnterMulier,the wife of Menechmusthe Citizen, and Peniculus.

Mulier

Thinkeshe Iwill be made ſuch a ſot, and to be ſtill his drudge, while heprowles and purloynes all that Ihaueto giue his Trulles?

Peniculus

Nayhold your peace, wee’ll catch him in the nicke. This way he came,in his garland forſooth, bearing the cloak to the Dyars. And ſee Ipray where the garland lyes, this way he is gone. See, ſee, where hecomes againe now without the cloake.

Mulier

Vvhatſhall Inow do?

Peniculus

Vvhatthat which ye euer do, bayt him for life.

Mulier

SurelyIthinke it beſt ſo.

Peniculus

Stay,wee will ſtand a ſide a little, ye ſhall catch him vnawares.

EnterMenechmusthe Citizen.

Menechmus

Itwould make a man at his wittes end, to ſee how brabbling cauſes arehandled yonder at the Court. If a poore man neuer ſo honſt, haue amatter come to be ſcand, there is hee outfaſte, and ouerlaide withcountenance: If a Rich man neuer ſo vile a wretch come to ſpeake,there they are all readie to fauour his cauſe. Vvhat with facing outbad cauſes for the oppreſſors, and patronizing ſome iuſt actionsfor the wronged, the Lawyers they pocket vp all the gaines. For mineown part, Icome not away emptie, though Ihaue bene kept long againſt my will : For taking in hand to diſpatcha matter this morning for one of my acquaintaunce, Iwas no ſooner entered into it , but his aduerſaries laide ſo hardvnto his charge , and brought ſuch matter againſt him, that do whatIcould, Icould not winde my ſelfe out til now. Iam fore afrayd Erotiumthinks much vnkindnes in me that Iſtaid ſo long, yet ſhe will not be angry conſidering the gift Igaue her to day.

Peniculus

Howthinke ye by that?

Mulier

Ithinkehim a moſt vile wretch thus to abuſe me.

Menechmus

Iwill hie me thither.

Mulier

Yeago pilferer, goe with ſhame inough, no bodie ſees your lewddealings and vile theeuery.

Menechmus

Hownow wife, what aile yee? What is the matter?

Mulier

Askeyee whats the matter ? Fye vppon thee.

Peniculus

Areye not in a fit of an ague, your pulſesbeate ſo ſore? To him Iſay.

Menechmus

Praywife, why are ye ſoangry with me?

Mulier

Ohyou know not?

Peniculus

Heknowes, but he would diſſembleit.

Menechmus

Whatis it?

Mulier

Mycloake.

Menechmus

Yourcloake.

Mulier

Mycloake man, why do ye bluſh?

Peniculus

Hecannot cloake his bluſhing. Nay I might not go to dinner with you,do ye remember?to him I ſay.

Menechmus

Holdthy peace Peniculus.

Peniculus

Hahold my peace, looke ye, he beckons on mee to hold my peace.

Menechmus

Ineither becken nor winke on him.

Mulier

Out,out, what a wretched life is this that I liue.

Menechmus

Whywhat aile ye woman?

Mulier

Areye not aſhamed to deny ſo confidently , that which is apparent.

Menechmus

Iproteſt vnto you before all the goddes (is not this inough) that Ibeckond not on him.

Peniculus

Ohſir, this is an other matter, touch him in the former cauſe.

Menechmus

Whatformer cauſe?

Peniculus

Thecloake man, the cloake, fecth the cloake againe from the Dyars.

Menechmus

Whatcloake?

Mulier

Nayile ſay no more, ſith ye know nothing of your owne doings.

Menechmus

Tellme wife, hath any of your ſervants abuſed you? Let me know.

Mulier

Tuſh,tuſh.

Menechmus

Iwould not haue you to be thus diſquietted.

Mulier

Tuſh,tuſh.

Menechmus

Youare fallen out with ſome of your friends.

Mulier

Tuſh,tuſh.

Menechmus

SureI am, i haue not offended you.

Mulier

No,you haue dealt verie honeſtly.

Menechmus

Indeedwife, I haue deſerued none of theſe words, tell me, are ye notwell?

Peniculus

Whatſhall he flatter ye now?

Menechmus

Iſpeak not to thee knaue. Good wife come hither.

Mulier

Away,away, keep your hand off.

Peniculus

So,bid me to dinner with you againe, then ſlip away from me, when youhaue done, come forth brauely in your garland to flout me: Alas youknew not me, euen now.

Menechmus

WhyAſſe, I neither haue yet dined, nor came Ithere, ſince we were there togither.

Peniculus

Vvhoeuer heard one ſo impudent? Did yee not meete me here euen now, andwould make me beleeue Iwas

mad,and ſaid ye were a ſtraunger, and ye knew me not?

Menechmus

Ofa truth ſince wee went togither to the Seſſions Hall, i neuerreturned till this very inſtant, as you two met
me.

Peniculus

Gotoo, go too, i know ye well inough. Did ye think I would not cryquittance with you, yes faith, I haue tolde your wife all.

Menechmus

Whathaſt thou told her?

Peniculus

Icannot tell, aske her.

Menechmus

Tellme wife, what hath he told ye of me? Tell me I ſay, what was it?

Mulier

Asthough you knew not, my cloake is ſtolnefrom me.

Menechmus

Isyour cloake ſtolnefrom ye?

Mulier

Doye aske me?

Menechmus

Iknew, i would not aske.

Peniculus

Ocraftie companion, how he would ſhiftthe matter, Come, come, deny it not, I tell ye, I haue bewrayd all.

Menechmus

Whathaſtthou bewrayd?

Mulier

Seeingye will yeeld to nothing be it neuer ſomanifeſt, Heare mee, and ye ſhall know in fewe words both the cauſeof my griefe, and what he hath told me. I ſay my cloake is ſtolnefrom me.

Menechmus

Mycloake is ſtolne from me?

Peniculus

Lookehow he cauils, ſhe ſaith it is ſtolne from her.

Menechmus

Ihaue nothing to ſay to thee: I ſay wife tell me.

Mulier

Itell ye, my cloake is ſtolne out of my houſe.

Menechmus

Whoſtole it?

Mulier

Heknowes beſt that carried it away.

Menechmus

Whowas that?

Mulier

Menechmus.

Menechmus

T’wasvery ill done of him. What Menechmuswas that?

Mulier

You.

Menechmus

I,who will ſay ſo?

Mulier

Iwill.

Peniculus

AndI: and that you gaue it to Erotius.

Menechmus

Igaue it?

Mulier

You.

Peniculus

You,you, you, ſhall we fetch a kennel of Beagles that may cry nothingbut you, you, you, you. Sir we are wearie of it.

Menechmus

Heareme one word wife, I proteſt vnto you by all the gods, i gaue it hernot, indeed I lent it her to vſe a while.

Mulier

Faithſir, Ineuer giue nor lend your apparell out of doores, mee thinkes ye mightlet mee diſpoſe of mine owne garments, as you do of yours. Ipray then fetch it mee home againe.

Menechmus

Youſhall haue it againe without faile.

Mulier

Tisbeſt for you that Ihaue : otherwiſe thinke not to rooſt within theſe doores againe.

Peniculus

Harkeye.what ſay ye to me now, for bringing theſe matters to yourknowledge?

Mulier

Iſay, when thou haſt anie thing ſtolne from thee, come to me, and Iwill helpe thee to ſeeke it. And ſo fare-
well.

Peniculus

Goda mercy for nothing, that can neuer be, for Ihaue nothing in the world worth the ſtealing. So now with husbandand wife and all, Iam cleane out of fauour. A miſchiefe on ye all.

Exit.

Menechmus

Mywife thinks ſhe is notably reueng’d on me, now ſhe ſhuttes meeout of doores, as though I had not a better place to be welcome too.If ſhe ſhut me out, I know who wil ſhut me in. Now will I entreateErotiumto le me haue the cloake againe to ſtop my wiues mouth withall, andthen will Iprouide a better for her. Ho who is within there ? ſomebodie tellErotiumI muſtſpeake with her.

EnterErotium.

Erotium

Whocalls ?

Menechmus

Yourfriend, more then his owne.

Erotium

OMenechmus,why ſtand ye here? Pray come it.

Menechmus

Tarry,I muſt ſpeake with ye here.

Erotium

Sayyour minde.

Menechmus

Wotye what? my wife knowes all the matter now, and my coming is, torequeſt you, that I may haue againe the cloake which I brought you,that ſo Imay appeaſe her: and I promiſe you, ile giue ye an other worth twoof it.

Erotium

WhyIgaue it you to carry to your Dyars, and my chaine likewiſe, to haueit altered.

Menechmus

Gaueme the cloake and your chaines ? In truth Ineuerſaweye ſince I left it heere with you, and ſo went to the Seſſions,from whence I am but now returned.

Erotium

Ahthen ſir,I ſee you wrought a deuice to defraude mee of them both, did Itherefore put yee in truſt? Well, well.

Menechmus

Todefraud ye? No, but Iſay,my wife hath intelligence of the matter.

Erotium

Whyſir,Iasked them not, ye brought them me of your owne free motion. Now yerequire them againe, take them make ſops of them:you and your wifetogither, think ye I eſteeme them or you either. Goe, come to meeagaine when I ſend for you.

Menechmus

Whatſoangry with mee, ſweete Erotium?Staie, I pray ſtaie.

*Erotium

Staie?Faith ſir no:thinke ye I will ſtaie at your requeſt?

Menechmus

Whatgone in chaſing, and clapt to the doores:now I am euerie way ſhutoyt for a very benchwhiſtler: neither ſhall I haue entertainmentheere nor at hime. I were beſt go trie ſome other friends, and askecounſaile what to do.

Act.5.

EnterMenechmusthe Traueller, Mulier.

Moſtfooliſhly was I ouerſeene in giuing my purſe and money toMeſſenio,whom I can no where find, i feare he is fallen into ſome lewdcompanie.

Mulier

Imaruaile that my husband comes not yet, but ſee where he is now, andbrings my cloake with him.

Menechmus

Imuſe where the knaue ſhould be.

Mulier

Iwill go ring a peale through both his eares for this his diſhoneſtbehauiour. Oh ſir, ye are welcome home with your theeuery on yourſhoulders , are ye not aſhamde to let all the world ſee and ſpeakeof your lewdneſſe?

Menechmus

Hownow? what lackes this woman?

Mulier

Impudentbeaſt, ſtand ye to queſtion about it? For ſhame hold thy peace.

Menechmus

Whatoffence haue I done woman, that I ſhould not ſpeake to you?

Mulier

Askeſtthou what offence? O ſhameleſſe boldneſſe.

Menechmus

Goodwoman, did ye neuer heare why the Greci- ands termed Hecubabea bitch?

Mulier

Neuer.

Menechmus

Becauſeſhe did as you do now, on whom ſoeuer ſhe met withall, ſherailed, and therfore well deſerued that dogged name.

Mulier

Theſefoule abuſes and contumelies, i can neuer endure, nay rather will Iliue a widowes life to my dying day.

Menechmus

Whatcare I whether thou liueſt as a widow or as a wife. This paſſeth,that I meet with none but thus they vexe me with ſtraunge ſpeeches.

Mulier

Whatſtraunge ſpeeches? I ſay I will ſurely liue a widowes life,rather then ſuffer thy vile dealings.

Menechmus

Pretheefor my part, liue a widow till the worldes end, if thou wilt.

Mulier

Euennow thou deniedſt that thou ſtoleſt it from mad, and now thoubringeſt it home openly in my ſight. Art not aſhamde?

Menechmus

Woman, you are greatly to blame to charge mee with ſtealing of thiscloake, which this day an other gaue me to carry to be trimde.

Mulier

Well,I will firſt complaine to my father. Ho boy, who is within there ?Veciogo runne quickly to my father, deſire him of all loue to come ouerquickly to my houſe. Ile tell him firſt of your prankes, I hope hewill not ſee me thus handled.

Menechmus

Whata Gods name meaneth this mad woman thus to vexe me?

Mulier

Iam mad becauſe I tell ye of your vile actions, anlewde pilfring awaymy apparell and my Iewels, to carry to your filthie drabbes.

Menechmus

Forwhome this woman taketh mee I know not, iknowher as much as I know Herculeswiues father.

Mulier

Doye not know me? That’s well, i hope ye knowmyfather, here he comes, looke, do ye know him?

Menechmus

Asmuch as I know CalcasofTroy.Euen him and thee I know both alike.

Mulier

Doeſtknow neither of vs both, me nor my father?

Menechmus

Faithnor thy granfather neither.

Mulier

Thisis like the reſtof your behauiour.

EnterSenex.

*Though bearing ſo great a burthen, as olde age, I can make no greathaſte, yet as I can, I will goe to my daughter, who I know hath ſomeearneſt buſineſſe with me, that ſheſends in ſuch haſte, nottelling the cauſe why I ſhould come. But I durſt laie a wager, ican geſſe neare the matter : I ſuppoſe it is ſome brabblebetween her husband and her. Theſe yoong women that bring greatdowries to their husbands, are ſo maſterfull and obſtinate, thatthey will haue their own wils in euerie thing, and make men ſeruantsto their weake affections. And young men too, Imuſt needs ſay, be naught nowadayes. Well ile go ſee, but yondermee thinks ſtands my daughter, and her husband too. Oh tis euen as Igeſſed.

Mulier

Fatherye are welcome.

Senex

Hownow daughter? What? is all well? why is your husband ſo ſad? haueye bin chiding? tell me, vvhich of you is in the fault?

Mulier

Firſtfather know, that I haue not any way misbe- haued my ſelfe, but thetruth is, I can by no meanes endure this bad man to die for it : andtherefore deſire you to take me home to you againe.

Senex

Whatis the matter?

Mulier

Hemakes me aſtale and a laughing ſtocke to all the world.

Senex

Whodoth?

Mulier

Thisgood husband here, to whom you married me.

Senex

See,ſee, how oft haue I warned you of falling out with your husband?

Mulier

Icannot auoid it, if he doth ſo fowly abuſe me.

Senex

Ialwaies told ye, you muſt beare with him, ye muſt let him alone, yemuſt not watch him, nor dog him, nor meddle with his courſes in anyſort.

Mulier.

Heehauntes naughtie harlottes vnder my noſe.

Senex

Heeis the wiſer , becauſe hee cannot bee quiet at home.

Mulier.

Therehee feaſtes and bancquets, and ſpendes and ſpoiles.

Senex

Woldye haue your husband ſerue ye as your drudge? Ye will not let himmake merry, nor entertaine his friendes at home.

Mulier

Fatherwill ye take his part in theſe abuſes, and forſake me?

Senex

Notſo daughter, but if I ſee cauſe, i wil as well tel him of hisdutie.

Menechmus

Ivvould I vvere gone from this prating father and daughter.

Senex

HithertoI ſee not but hee keepes ye vvell, ye vvant nothing, apparell, mony,ſeruants, meate, drinke, all thinges neceſſaire: I feare there isfault in you.

Mulier

Buthe filcheth away my apparrell and my iewels, to giue to his Trulles.

Senex

Ifhe doth ſo, tis verie ill done, if not, you doo ill to ſay ſo.

Mulier

Youmay beleeue me father, for there you may ſee my cloake which now hehath fetcht home againe, and my chaine which he ſtole from me.

Senex

Nowwill Igoe talke with him to knowe the truth. Tell me Menechmus,how is it, that I heare ſuch diſorder in your life? Why are ye ſoſad man? wherein hath your wife offended you?

Menechmus

Oldman(what to call ye Iknownot)by high Iobe,and by all the GodsIſweare vnto you, whatſoeuer this woman here accuſeth mee to haueſtolne from her, it is vtterly falſe and vntrue, and if I euer ſetfoote within her doores, Iwiſhe the greateſt miſerie in the worlde to light vppon me.

Senex

Whyfond man, art thou mad to deny that thou euer ſetſt foote withinthine owne houſe where thou dwellest?

Menechmus

DoIdwell in that houſe?

Senex

Doeſtthou denie it?

Menechmus

Ido.

Senex

Harkeyee daughter, are ye remooued out of your houſe?

Mulier

Father,he vſeth you as he doth me , this life I haue with him.

Senex

Menechmus,I pray leaue this fondneſſe,ye ieſt too peruerſly with your friends.

Menechmus

Goodold father, what I pray haue you to do with me? or why ſhould thiswoman thus trouble me, with whom I haue no dealings in the world?

Mulier

Father,marke I pray, how his eies ſparkle,they rowle in his head, his colour goes and comes, he lookeswildly.
See, ſee.

Menechmus

What?they ſay now I am mad, the beſt way for me is to faine my ſelfemad ineed, ſo I ſhall be rid of them.

Mulier

Lookehow he ſtares about, now he gapes.

Senex

Comeaway daughter, come from him.

*Menechmus

Eachus,Appollo, Phebus,do ye call mee to come hunt in the woods with you, i ſee, I heare, Icome, I flie, but I cannot get out of theſe fields. Here is an oldmaſtiffe bitch ſtands barking at mee, and by her ſtandes an oldgoate that beares falſe witneſſe againſt many a poore man.

Senex

Outvpon him Bedlam foole.

Menechmus

Harke,Appollocommaunds me that Iſhould rende out hir eyes with a burning lampe.

Mulier

Ofather, he threatens to pull put mine eyes.

Menechmus

Goodgods, theſe folke ſay I am mad, and doubtleſſe they are madthemſelues.

Senex

Daughter.

Mulier

Herefather, what ſhall we do?

Senex

Whatif I fetch my folkes hither, and haue him carried in before he do anyharme.

Menechmus

Hownow? they will carry mee in if I looke not to my ſelfe: I were beſtto skare them better yet. Doeſt thou bid me Phebus,to teare this dog in peeces with my nayles? If I laie hold on him, iwill do thy commandment.

Senex

Getthee into thy houſe daughter, away quickly.

Menechmus

Sheis gone : yea AppolloI will ſacrifice this olde beaſt vnto thee: and it thou commandeſtmee, I will cut his throate with that dagger that hands at hisgirdle.

Senex

Comenot neare me ſirra.

Menechmus

YeaI will quarter him, and pull all the bones out of his fleſh, thenwill I barrell vp his bowels.

Senex

SureI am ſore afraid he will do ſome hurt.

Menechmus

Manythings thou commandeſt me Appollo,wouldſt thou haue me harneſſe vp theſe wilde horſes, and thenclime vp into the Chariot,& ſo ouer-ride this old ſtickingtoothleſſe Lyon. So now I am in the Chariot, and I haue hold on theraines, here is my whip, hait, come ye wilde Iades, make a Hideousnoyſe with your ſtamping : hait I ſay, will ye not go?

Senex

What?doth he threaten me with his horſes?

Menechmus

Harke,now Appollobids mee ride ouer him that that ſtandsthere , and kill him. How now? who pulles mee downe from my Chariotby the haires of my head. Oh ſhall I not fulfill Appolloescommandment?

Senex

See,ſee, what a ſharpe diſeaſe this is, and how well he was euen now.I will fetch a Phiſition ſtraight, before hee grow too farre intothis rage.

Exit.

EnterSenexand Medicus.

Senex

Myloines ake with ſitting, and ////////////////////////// king, whileI ſtaie for yonder laizie /////////////////////////////// thecreeping drawlatch comes.

Medicus

Whatdiſeaſe hath hee ſaid you? Is it a letarge or a lunacies, ormelancholia, or dropſie?

Senex

WherforeI pray do I bring you, but that you ſhuld tell me what it is? Andcure him of it.

Medicus

Fie,make no queſtion of that, Ile cure him I warrant ye. Oh here hecomes, ſtaie, let vs marke what he doth.

EnterMenechmusthe Citizen.

Menechmus

Neuerin my life had I more ouerthwart fortune in one day, and all by thevillanie of this falſe knaue the Paraſite, my Vliſſesthat works ſuch //miſchiefs againſt mee his king. But le me liueno longer, but ile be reuengde vppon the life of him: his life? Naytis my life, for hee liues by my meate and drinke, Ile vtterlywithdraw the ſlaues life from him. And Erotiumſhee ſheweth plainly what ſhe is : who becauſe I require thecloake again to carrie to my wife, ſaith I gaue it her , and flatlyfalles out with me. How vnfortunate am I?

Senex

Doye heare him?

Medicus

Hecomplaines of his fortune.

Senex

Goto him.

Medicus

Menechmus,how do ye man? why keepe you not your cloake ouer your arme? It isverie hurtfull to your diſeaſe. Keepe ye warme I pray.

Menechmus

Whyhang thy ſelfe, what careſt thou.

Medicus

Sircan you ſmell anie thing?

Menechmus

Iſmell a prating dolt of thee.

Medicus

OhI will haue your head throughly purged. Pray tell me Menechmus, what vſe you to drinke? white wine or claret?

Menechmus

Whatthe diuell careſt thou?

Senex

Looke,his fit now begins.

Menechmus

Whydoeſt not as well aske mee whether Ieate bread, or cheeſe, or //////// or porredge//////////////////eare feathers, or fiſ///////////// talke hefalleth into.

Medicus

Tarry,I will aske him further. Menechmus,tell me, be not your eyes heauie and dull ſome- times?

Menechmus

Whatdoeſt thinke I am an Owle?

Medicus

Doonot your guttes gripe ye, and croake in your belly?

Menechmus

WhenI am hungrie they do, elſe not.

Medicus

Heſpeakes not like a mad man in that. Sleepe ye ſoundly all night?

Menechmus

WhenI haue paid my debts I do. The miſchiefe light on thee, with all thyfriuolous queſtions.

Medicus

Ohnow he rageth vpon thoſe words, take heed.

Senex

Ohthis is nothing to the rage he was in euen now. He called his wifebitch, and all to nought.

Menechmus

DidI?

Senex

Thoudidſt, mad fellow, and threatenedſt to ryde ouer me here with aChariot and horſes, and to kill mee, and
teare me in peeces.This thou didſt, iknowwhat I ſay.

Menechmus

Iſay,thou ſtoleſt IupitersCrowne from his head, and thou wert whipt through the Towne for it ,and that
thou haſt kild thy father , and beaten thy mother. Dooye thinke I am ſo mad that I cannot deuiſe as notable lyes of you,as you do of me?

Senex

MaiſterDoctor, pray heartily make ſpeede to cure him, ſee ye not how madhe waxeth?

Medicus

Iletell ye , hee ſhall be brought ouer to my houſe, and there will Icure him.

Senex

Isthat beſt?

Medicus

Whatelſe, there I can order him as I liſt.

Senex

Well,it ſhallbe ſo.

Medicus

Ohſir, I will make yee take neeſing powder this twentie dayes.

Menechmus

Ilebeate yee firſt with a baſtanado , this thirtie dayes.

Medicus

Fetchmen to carry him to my houſe.

Senex

Howmany will ſerue the turne?

Medicus

Beingno madder then hee is now , foure will ſerue.

Senex

Ilefetch them, ſtaie you with him maiſter Doctor.

Medicus

Noby my faith, Ile foe home to make readie all things neefull. Let yourmen bring him hither.

Senex

Igo.

Exeunt.

Menechmus

Arethey both gone? Good Gods what meaneth this? Theſe men ſay I ammad, who without doubt are mad themſelues. I ſtirre not, I fightno, Iam not ſicke. I ſpeake to them, i know them. Well what were I nowbeſt to do? I would goe home, but my wife ſhuttes me foorth adoores. Erotiumis as farre out with me too. Euen here Iwill reſtme till the euening, I hope by that time, they will take pittie onme.

EnterMeſſeniothe Trauellers ſeruant.

*The proofe of a good ſeuant, is to regard his maiſters buſineſſeas well in his abſence, as in his preſence : and I
thinke hima verie foole that is not carefull as well for his ribbes andſhoulders, as for his belly and throate. When I think vpon therewards of a ſluggard, I am euer pricjed with a carefull regard ofmy backe and ſhoulders : for in truth I haue no fancie to theſeblows, as many a one hath : methinks it is no pleaſure to a man tobe baſted with a ropes end two or three houres togither. I haueprouided yonder in the Towne, for all our marriners , and ſafelybeſtowed all my maſters Trunkes and fardels: and am now coming toſee if he be yet got forth of this daungerous gulfe, where I feareme is ouer plunged, pray God he be not ouerwhelmed and and paſthelpe ere I come.

EnterSenex,with four Lorarij, porters.

BeforeGods and me, Icharge and commaund you ſirs, to execute with great care that whichI appoint you: if yee loue the ſafetie of your owne ribbes andſhoulders, then goe take me vp my ſonne in lawe, laie all handsvpon him, why ſtand ye ſtil?what do ye doubt?I ſaie, care not forhis threatnings, nor for anie of his words. Take him vp and bring himto the Phiſitions houſe: I will go thither before.

Exit.

Menechmus

Whatnewes? how now maſters? what will ye do with me? why do ye thusbeſet me? whither carrie ye mee? Helpe,helpe, neighbors, friends, citizens.

Meſſenio

OIupiter, what do I ſee? my maiſter abuſed by a companie of varlets.

Menechmus

Isthere no good man will helpe me?

Meſſenio

Helpeye maiſter ? yes the villaines ſhall haue my life before they ſhallthus wrong ye. Tis more fit I ſhould be kild, then you thus handled.Pull out that raſcals eye that holds ye about the necke there. I’leclout theſe peaſants, out ye rogue, let go ye varlet.

Menechmus

Ihaue hold of this vaillaines eie.

Meſſenio

Pullit out, and let the place appeare in his head. Away ye cutthroattheeues, ye murtherers.

LorariiOmnes.

O,o, ay, ay, crie pittifullie.

Meſſenio

Away,get ye hence, ye mongrels, ye dogs. Will ye be gone? Thou raskallbehind there, ile giue thee ſomewhat
more, take that. It wastime to come maiſter, you had bene in good caſe if I had not beneheere now, I tolde you what would come of it.

Menechmus

Nowas the gods loue me, my good friend I thank thee :thou haſt donethat for me which I ſhall neuer be able to require.

Meſſenio

I’letell ye how ſir, giue me my freedome.

Menechmus

ShouldI giue it thee?

Meſſenio

Seeingyou cannot require my good turne.

Menechmus

Thouart deceiued man.

Meſſenio

Wherein?

Menechmus

Onmine honeſtie, i am none of thy maiſter // had neuer yet anieſeruant would do ſo much for me.

Meſſenio

Whythen bid me be free: will you?

Menechmus

Yeaſurelie, be free, for my part.

Meſſenio

Oſweetly ſpoken, thanks my good maiſter.

Seruusalius

Meſſenio,we are all glad of your good for- tune.

Meſſenio

Omaiſter, ile call ye maiſter ſtill. Ipraie vſe me inanie ſeruice as ye did before, ile dwell with youſtill,& when
ye fo home, ile wait vpon you.

Menechmus

Nay,nay, it ſhall not need.

Meſſenio

Ilegoe ſtraight to the Inne and deliuer vp my accounts, and all yourſtuffe : your purſe is lockt vp ſafely ſea-
led in thecasket, as you gaue it mee. I will goe fetch it to you.

Menechmus

Do,fetch it.

Meſſenio

Iwill.

Menechmus

Iwas neuer thus perplext Some deny me to be him that I am, and ſhutme out of their doores. This fellow faith he is my bondman, and of mehe begs his freedome : he will fetch my purſe and monie: well if hebring it, I will receiue it, and ſet him free, I would he would ſogo his way. My old father in law, and the Doctor ſaie I am mad, whoeuer ſawe ſuch ſtraunge demeanors ? well though Erotiumbe neuer ſo

angie,yet once againe ile go ſee if by intreatie Ican get the cloake on her to carrie to my wife.

Exit.

EnterMenechmustheTraueller, and Meſſenio.

Menechmus

Impudentknaue, wilt thou ſay that I euer ſaw thee ſince I ſent thee awayto day , and bad thee come for mee after dinner?

Meſſenio

Yemake me ſtarke mad: I tooke ye away and reskued ye from foure greatbigboand villaines, that were carrying ye away euen heere in thisplace. Heere they had ye vp, you cried, Helpe, helpe, I came runningto you, you and I togither beate them away by maine force. Then formy good turne and faithfull ſeruice, ye gaue mee my freedome: Itolde ye I would go fetch your Casket, now in the mean time you ranneſome other way to get before me, and ſo you denie it all againe.

Menechmus

Igaue thee thy freedome?

Meſſenio

Youdid.

Menechmus

WhenI giue thee thy freedome , Ile be a bondman my ſelfe : go thy wayes.

Meſſenio

Wheew,marry I thank ye for nothing.

EnterMenechmusthe Citizen.

ForſworneQueanes, ſweare till your hearts ake, and your yes fall out, yeſhall neuer make me beleeue that I carried hence either cloake orchaine.

Meſſenio

Oheauens, maiſter what do I ſee?

Menechmusthe Travailer

What?

Meſſenio

Yourghoaſt.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Whatghoaſt?

Meſſenio

YourImage, as like you as can be poſſible.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Surelynot much vnlike me as I thinke.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Omy good friend and helper, well met: thanks for thy late good helpe.

Meſſenio

Sir,may I craue to know your name?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Iwere too blame if I ſhould not tell thee anie thing, my name isMenechmus.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Naymy friend, that is my name.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Iam of Syracuſisin Sicilia.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Soam I.

Meſſenio

Areyou a Syracuſan?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Iam.

Meſſenio

O,ho, I know ye : this is my maiſter, i thought hee there, had bene mymaiſter, and was proffering my ſeruice to him, pray pardon me ſir,if Iſais anything Iſhould not.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Whydoating patch, didſt thou not come with me this morning from theſhip?

Meſſenio

Myfaith he ſaies true, this is my maiſter, you may go looke ye a man:God ſaue ye maiſter: you ſir farewell. This is Menechmus.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Iſay that I am Menechmus.

Meſſenio

Whata ieſt is this? Are you Menechmus?

Menechmusthe Citizen

EuenMenechmusthe ſonne of Moſchus.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Myfathers ſonne?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Friend,Igo about neither to take your father nor your country from you.

Meſſenio

Oimmortall Gods, let it fall out as I hope, and for my life theſe arethe two Twinnes, all things afree ſo iump
togither. I willſpeake to my maiſter. Menechmus?

Both

Whatwilt thou?

Meſſenio

Icall ye not both, but which of you came with me from the ſhip?

Menechmusthe Citizen

NotI.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Idid.

Meſſenio

ThenIcallyou. Come hither.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Whatsthe matter?

Meſſenio

Thisfame is either ſome notable couſening Iugler, or elſe it is yourbrother whome we ſeeke. Ineuer ſawe one man ſo like an other, water to water, nor milke tomilke, is not liker the he is to you.

Menechmusthe Travailer

IndeedI thinke thou ſaieſttrue. Finde it

thatis thy brother and Ihaue promiſe thee thy freedom.

Meſſenio

Well,let me about //// Haue ue ſir,you ſay your name is Menechmus.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Ido.

Meſſenio

Sois this mans. You are of Syracuſis?

Menechmusthe Citizen

True.

Meſſenio

Sois he. Moſcuswasyour father?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Hewas.

Meſſenio

Sowas he his. What will you ſau, if I find that ye are brothers andtwins?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Iwould thinke it happie newes.

Meſſenio

Nayſtaie maiſters both, I meane to haue the honor of this exploit.A//// me your name is Menechmus?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Yea.

Meſſenio

Andyours?

Menechmusthe Travailer

Andmine.

Meſſenio

Youare of Syracuſis.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Iam.

Menechmusthe Travailer

AndI.

Meſſenio

Well,this goeth right thus farre. What is the fartheſt thing that youremember there?

Menechmusthe Citizen

HowI went with my father to Tarentum,to a freat mart, and there in the preaſſeI was ſtolne from him,

Menechmusthe Travailer

OIupiter!

Meſſenio

Peace,what exclaiming is this? How old were ye then?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Aboutſeuen yeare old, for euen then I ſhedde teeth, and ſince thattime, I neuer heard of anie of my kindred.

Meſſenio

Hadye neuer a brother?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Yes,as I remember, I heard them ſay, we were two twinnes.

MenechmusTra.

OFortune!

Meſſenio

Turn,can ye not be quiet? Were ye both of one name?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Nay(as I think)they cald my brother, soſicles.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Itis he, what need farther proofe? O Brother, brother, let me embracethee.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Sir,if this be true, I am wonderfully glad, but how is it, that ye arecalled Menechmus?

Menechmusthe Travailer

Whenit was tolde vs that you and our father were both dead, ourGraundſire (in memorie of my fathers name) chaungde mine toMenechmus.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Tisvery like he would do ſoindeed. But let me aske ye one queſtion more, what was our mothersname?

Menechmusthe Travailer

Theuſimarche.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Brother,the moſt welcome to mee, that the world holdeth.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Iioy, and ten thouſandioyes the more, hauing taken ſo long trauaile and huge paines toſeeke you.

Meſſenio

Seenow, how all this matter comes about. This it was, that theGentlewoman had ye in to dinner, thinking it had bene he.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Trueit is, I willed a dinner to be prouided for me heere this morning,and I alſo brought hither cloſely a cloake of my wiues, and gaue itto this woman.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Isnot this the ſame, brother?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Howcame you by this?

Menechmusthe Travailer

Thiswoman met me, had me in to dinner, enterteined me moſt kindly, andgaue me this cloake, and this Chaine.

Menechmusthe Citizen

Indeedſhe tooke ye for mee: and I beleeue I haue bene as ſtraungelyhandled by occaſon of your comming.

Meſſenio

Youſhall haue time inough to laugh at all theſe matters hereafter. Doye remember maiſter, what ye promiſed me?

Menechmusthe Citizen

BrotherIwill intreate you to performe your promiſe to Meſſenio,he is worthie of it.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Iam content.

Meſſenio

IoTryumphe.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Brother,will ye now go with me to Syracuſis?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Soſoone as I can ſell away ſuch goods as I poſſeſſe here inEpidamnum,I will go with you.

Menechmusthe Travailer

Thanksmy good Brother!

Menechmusthe Citizen

Meſſenio,plaie thou the Crier for me, and make a proclamation.

Meſſenio

Afit office. Come on. O yes. Whatday ſhallyour ſale be?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Thisday ſennight.

Meſſenio

Allmen, women and children , in Epidamnum,or elsewhere, that will repaire to Menechmushouſe this day ſenight, ſhall there finde all maner of things toſell: ſeruaunts, houſhold ſtuffe, houſe, gronnd, and all : ſothey bring readie money. Will ye ſell your wife too ſir?

Menechmusthe Citizen

Yea,but I thinke no bodie will bid money for her.

Meſſenio

ThusGentlemen we take our leues, and if we haue pleaſde, we require aPlaudite.

FINIS