Menaecmi. A
pleasant and fine Conceited Comædie, taken out of the most excellent
wittie Poet Plautus: chosen purposely from out the rest, as least
harmefull, and yet most delightfull.
Written
in English, by W. W.
LONDON
Printed
by Tho. Creede, and are to be sold by William Barly, at his shop in
Gratious streete.
1595
The
Printer to the Readers.
The
writer hereof (loving Readers) having diverse of this Poettes
Comedies Englished, for the use and delight of his private friends,
who in Plautus owne words are not able to understand them : I have
prevailed so far with him as to let this one go farther abroad, for a
publike recreation and delight to all those, that affect the diverse
sorts of bookes compiled in this kind, wherof (in my iudgement) in
harmlesse mirth and quicknesse of fine conceit, the most of them come
far short of this. And although I found him very loath and unwilling
to hazard this to the curious view of envious detraction, (being as
the tels mee) neither so exactly written, as it may carry any name of
a Translation, nor such liberties therin used, as that he would
notoriously varie from the Poets owne order : yet sith it is onely a
matter of meriment, and the litle alteration therof, can breede no
detriment of importance, I have over-rulde him so farre, as to let
this be offered to your courteous acceptance, and if you shall
applaude his litle labour heerein, I doubt not but he will endeuour
to gratifie you with some of the rest better laboured, and more
curiously pollished.
Farewell.
*
Where you finde this marke, the Poets conceit is somewhat altred, by
occasion either of the time, the country, or the phrase.
The
Argument.
*
Two Twinborne sonnes, a Sicill marchand had,
Menechmus
one, and Sosicles the other:
The
first his Father lost a litle Lad,
The
Grandsire namde the latter like his brother.
This
(growne a man) long travell tooke to seeke,
His
Brother, and to Epidamnum came,
Where
th’other dwels inricht, and him so like,
That
Citizens there take him for the same:
Father,
wife, neighbours, each mistaking either,
Much
pleasant error, ere they meete togither.
A
pleasant and fine Conceited Comædie called Menechmus,
taken out of the most excellent Poet Plautus
[1]
[1]
Enter
Peniculus, a Parasite.
PENICULUS
Peniculus
was given mee for my name when I was yong, bicause like a broome I
swept all clean away, where so ere I become : Namely all the vittels
which are set before mee. Now in my iudgement, men that clap iron
bolts on captives as the would keepssake, and tie those servants in
chaines, who they thinkes will run away, they commit an exceeding
great folly: my reason is, these poore wretches enduring one miserie
upon another, never cease devising how by wrenching asunder their
gives, or by some subtiltie or other they may escape such cursed
bands.
If then ye would keep a man without all suspition of
running away from ye, the surest way is to tie him with meate,
drinke, and ease: Let him ever be idle, eate his belly full, and
carouse while his skin will hold, and he shall never I warrant ye,
stir a foote. These strings to tie one by the teeth, passe all the
bands of iron, steele, or what mettall so ever, for the more slack
and easie ye make them, the faster still they tie the partie which is
in them. I speake this upon experience of my selfe, who am now going
for Menechmus, there willingly to be tied to his goode cheare : he is
commonly so exceeding bountifull and liberall in his fare, as no
maveryle though such guestes as my selfe be drawne to his Table, and
tyed there in his dishes. Now because I have lately bene a sstraunger
there, I meane to visite him at dinner: for my stomacke mee-thinkes
ever thrusts me into the fetters of his daintie fare. But yonder I
his doore open, and himselfe readie to come foorth.
[2]
Enter
Menechmus talking backe to his wife within.
MENECHMUS
If
ye were not a brabling foole and mad-braine scold as yee are, yee
would never thus crosse your husbande in all actions. Tis no matter,
let her serve me thus once more, Ile send her home to her dad with a
vengeance. I can never go foorth a doors, but shee asketh mee whither
I go? what I do? what busines? what I fetch?what I carry? *As though
she were a Constable, or a tollgatherer. I have pamperd her too much:
she hath servants about her, wooll, flax, and all things necessary to
busie her withall, yet she watcheth and wondreth whither I go. Well
sith it is so, she shall now have some cause, I mean to dine this day
abroad with a sweet friend of mine.
PENICULUS
Yea
mary now comes hee to the point that prickes me: this last speech
ganles mee as much as it would doo his wife; If he dine not at home,
I am drest.
MENECHMUS
We
that have Loves abroad, and wives at home, are miserably hampred, yet
would every man could tame his shrewe as well as I doo mine. I have
now filcht away a fine ryding cloake of my wives, which I meane to
bestow upon one that I love better. Nay, if she be so warie and
watchfull over me, I count it an almes deed to deceive her.
PENICULUS
Come,
what share have I in that same?
MENECHMUS
Out
alas, I am taken.
PENICULUS
True,
but by your friend.
MENECHMUS
What,
mine owne Peniculus?
PENICULUS
Yours
(ifaith) bodie and goods if I had any.
MENECHMUS
Why
thou hast a bodie.
PENICULUS
Yea,
but neither goods nor good bodie.
MENECHMUS
Thou
couldst never come fitter in all thy life.
PENICULUS
Tush,
I ever do so to my friends, I know how to come alwaies in the nicke.
Where dine ye today?
MENECHMUS
Ile
tell thee of a notable pranke.
PENICULUS
What
did the Cooke marre your meate in the dressing? Would I might see the
reversion.
MENECHMUS
Tell
me didst thou see a picture, how Iupiters Eagle snatcht away
Ganimede, or how Venus stole away Adonis.
PENICULUS
Often,
but what care I for shadowes, I want substance.
MENECHMUS
Looke
thee here, looke not I like such a picture?
PENICULUS
Oho,
what cloake have ye got here?
MENECHMUS
Prethee
say I am now a brave fellow.
PENICULUS
But
hearke ye, where shall we dine?
MENECHMUS
Tush,
say as I bid thee man.
PENICULUS
Out
of doubt ye are a fine man.
MENECHMUS
What?
canst adde nothing of thine owne?
PENICULUS
Ye
are a most pleasant Gentleman.
MENECHMUS
On
yet.
PENICULUS
Nay
not a word more, unlesse ye tell mee how you and your wife be fallen
out.
MENECHMUS
Nay
I have a greater secret then that to impart to thee.
PENICULUS
Say
your minde.
MENECHMUS
Come
farther this way from my house.
PENICULUS
So,
let me heare.
MENECHMUS
Nay
farther yet.
PENICULUS
I
warrant ye man.
MENECHMUS
Why
thou hast a bodie.
PENICULUS
True,
but by your friend.
*
MENECHMUS
Nay
yet farther.
PENICULUS
Tis
pittie ye were not made a water-man to row in a wherry.
MENECHMUS
Why?
PENICULUS
Because
ye go one way, and looke an other, stil least your wife should follow
ye. But what’s the matter, Ist not almost dinner time?
MENECHMUS
Seest
thou this cloake?
PENICULUS
Not
yet. Well what of it?
MENECHMUS
This
fame I meane to give to Erotium.
PENICULUS
That’s
well, but what of all this?
MENECHMUS
There
I meane to have a delicious dinner prepard for her and me.
PENICULUS
And
me?
MENECHMUS
And
thee.
PENICULUS
O
sweet word. What,shall I knock presently at her doore?
MENECHMUS
I
knocke. But staie too Peniculus, let’s not be too rash. Oh see shee
is in good time coming forth.
PENICULUS
Ah,
he now lookes against the Sun, how her beames dazell his eyes.
Enter
Erotium.
EROTIUM
What
mine owne Menechmus, welcome sweete heart.
PENICULUS
And
what am I, welcome too?
EROTIUM
You
sir? ye are out of the number of my welcome guests.
*
PENICULUS
I
am like a voluntary souldier, out of paie.
MENECHMUS
Erotium,
I have determined that here shal be pitcht a field this day ; we
meane to drinke for the heavens : And which of us performes the
bravest service at his weopon the wine boll, your selfe as Captaine
shall paie him his wages according to his deserts.
EROTIUM
Agreed.
PENICULUS
I
would we had the weapons, for my valour pricks me to the battaile.
MENECHMUS
Shall
I tell thee sweete mouse? I never looke upon thee, but I am quite out
ot love with my wife.
EROTIUM
Yet
yee cannot chuse, but yee must still weare something of hers: what
this same?
MENECHMUS
This?
such a spoyle (sweete heart) as I tooke from her to put on thee.
EROTIUM
Mine
owne Menechmus, well woorthe to bee my deare, of all dearest.
PENICULUS
Now
she showes her selfe in her likenesse, when shee findes him in the
giving vaine, she drawes close to him.
MENECHMUS
I
thinke Hercules got not the garter from Hypolita so hardly, as I got
this from my wife. Take this, and with the same, take my heart.
PENICULUS
Thus
they must do that are right Lovers:especially if they meane to
beggers with ane speed.
MENECHMUS
I
bought this same of late for my wife, it stood mee (I thinke) in some
ten pound
PENICULUS
There’s
tenne pounde bestowed verie thriftily.
MENECHMUS.
But
knowe yee what I woulde have yee doo?
EROTIUM
It
shall bee done, your dinner shall be readie.
*
MENECHMUS
Let
a good dinner be made for us three. Harke ye, some oysters, a
mary-bone pie or two, some artichockes, and potato rootes, let our
other dishes be as you please.
EROTIUM
You
shall sir.
MENECHMUS
I
have a litle businesse in this Citties, by that time dinner will be
prepared. Farewell till then, sweete Erotium: Come Peniculus.
PENICULUS
Nay
I meane to follow yee : I will sooner leese my life, then fight of
you till this dinner be done.
Exeunt.
EROTIUM
Who’s
there? Call mee Cylindrus the Cooke hither.
Enter
Cylindrus.
Cylindrus,
take the Hand-basket, and heere, there’s ten shillings is there
not?
CYLINDRUS
Tis
so mistresse.
EROTIUM
Buy
mee of all the daintiest meates ye can get, ye know what I meane: so
as three may dine passing well, and yet no more then inough.
CYLINDRUS
What
guests have ye to day mistresse?
EROTIUM
Here
will be Menechmus and his Parasite, and my selfe.
CYLINDRUS
That’s
ten persons in all.
EROTIUM
How
many?
CYLINDRUS
Ten,
for I warrant you, that Parasite may stand for eight at his vittels.
EROTIUM
Go
dispatch as I bid you, and looke ye returne with all speed.
CYLINDRUS
I
will have all readie with a trice.
Exeunt.
[2]
[1]
Enter
Menechmus, Sosicles. Messenio his servant, and some Saylers.
MENECHMUS
Surely
Messenio, I thinke Sea-fairers never take so comfortable a ioy in any
thing, as when they have bene long toft and turmoylde in the wide
seas, they hap at last to ken land.
MESSENIO
Ile
be sworn, I shuld not be gladder to see a whole Country of mine owne,
then I have bene at such a sight. But I pray, wherfore are we now
come to Epidamnum?must we needs go to see everie Towne that we heare
off?
MENECHMUS
Till
I finde my brother, all Townes are alike to me: I must trie in all
places.
MESSENIO
Why
then let’s even as long as wee live seeke your brother: six yeares
now have we roamde about thus, Istria, Hispania, Massylia, Ilyria,
all the upper sea, all high Greece, all Haven Towns in Italy, I think
if we had sought a needle all this time, we must needs have found it,
had it bene above ground. It cannot be that he is alive, and to seek
a dead man thus among the living, what folly is it?
MENECHMUS
Yea,
could I but once find any man that could certainly enforme me of his
death, I were satisfied ; otherwise I can never desist seecking:
Litle knowest thou Messenio how neare my heart it goes.
MESSENIO
This
is washing of a Blackamore. Faith let’s goe home, unlesse ye meane
we should write a stories of our travaile.
MENECHMUS
Sirra,
no more of these sawcie speeches, I perceive I must teach ye how to
serve me, not to rule me.
MESSENIO
I,
so, now it appears what it is to be a servant. Wel yet I must speake
my conscience. Do ye heare sir? Faith I must tell ye one thing, when
I looke into the leane estate of your purse, and consider advisedly
of your decaying stocke, I hold it verie needfull to be drawing
homeward, lest in loo- king your brother, we quite lose our selves.
For this assure your selfe, this Towne Epidamnum, is a place of
outragious expences, exceeding in all ryot and lasciousnesse: and (I
heare) as full of Ribaulds, parasites, drunkards, Catchpoles,
Cony-catchers, and Sycophants, as it can hold:then for Curtizans, why
here’s the currantest stamp of them in the world. Ye must not
thinke here to scape with as light cost as in other places. The verie
name shews the nature, no man comes hither sine damno.
MENECHMUS
Yee
say very well indeed: give mee my purse into mine owne keeping,
because I will so be the safer, sine damno.
MESSENIO
Why
sir?
MENECHMUS
Because
I feare you wil be busie among the the Curtizans, and so be cosened
of it: then should I take great paines in belabouring your shoulders,
so to auoid both these harms, Ile keep it my selfe.
MESSENIO
I
pray do so sir, all the better.
Enter
Cylindrus.
CYLINDRUS
*
I have tickling geare here yfaith for ther dinners: it grieves me to
the hear to think how that cormorant knave
Peniculus must have
his share in these dainties morsels. But what? Is Menechmus come
alreadie, before I could come from the Market? Menechmus how do ye
sir? how haps it ye come so soone?
MENECHMUS
God
a mercy my good friend, doest thou know mee?
CYLINDRUS
Know
ye? no not I. Where’s mouldichappes that must dine with ye? A
murrin on his manners.
MENECHMUS
Whom
meanest thou good fellow?
CYLINDRUS
Why
Peniculus worship, that whorson lick-trencher, your Parasiticall
attendant.
MENECHMUS
What
Peniculus? what attendant? My Attendant? Surely this fellow is mad.
MESSENIO
Did
not I tell ye what cony-catching villaines yee should finde here?
CYLINDRUS
Menechmus,
harke ye sir, ye come too soone backe a- gain to dinner, I am but
returned from the Market.
MENECHMUS
Fellow,
here thou shalt have money of me, goe get the priest to sacrifice for
thee. I know thou art mad, els thou wouldst never use a sstraunger
thus?
CYLINDRUS
Alas
sir, Cylindrus was wont to be no stranger to you, know ye not
Cylindrus?
MENECHMUS
Cylindrus,
or Coliendrus, or what the divell thou art, I know not, neither do I
care to know.
CYLINDRUS
I
know you to be Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
Thou
shuoldst be in thy wits, in that thou namest me so right, but tell
me, where hast thou knowne me?
CYLINDRUS
Where?
Even heere, where ye first fell in love with my mistresse Erotium.
MENECHMUS
I
neither have Lover, neither knowe I who thou art.
CYLINDRUS
Know
ye not who I am: who fils your cup and dresses your meate at our
house?
MESSENIO
What
a slave is this? That I had somewhat to break the Rascals pate
withall.
MENECHMUS
At
your house, when as I never came in Epidamnum till this day.
CYLINDRUS
Oh
that’s true. Do ye not dwell in yonder house?
MENECHMUS
Foule
shame light upon them that dwell there, for my part.
CYLINDRUS
Questionlesse,
hee is mad indeede, to curse himselfe thus. Harke ye Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
What
saist thou?
CYLINDRUS
If
I may advise ye, ye shall bestow this money which ye offred me, upon
a sacrifice for you selfe : for out of doubt you are mad that curse
your selfe.
MESSENIO
What
a verlet art thoud to trouble us thus?
CYLINDRUS
Tush
he wil many times iest with me thus. Yet when his wife is not by, tis
a ridiculous iest.
MENECHMUS
VVhats
that?
CYLINDRUS
This
I say, Thinke ye I have brought meate inough for three of you? If
not, ile fetche more for you and your wench, and snatchcrust your
Parasite.
MENECHMUS
VVhat
wenches? what Parasites?
MESSENIO
Villaine,
Ile make thee tell me what thou meanest by all this talke?
CYLINDRUS
Away
Iack Napes, I say nothing to thee, for I know thee not, I speake to
him that I know.
MENECHMUS
Out
drunken foole, without doubt thou art out of thy wits.
CYLINDRUS
That
you shall see by the dressing of your meat. Go, go, ye were better to
go in and finde somewhat to do there, whiles your dinner is making
readie. Ile tell my mistresse ye be here.
MENECHMUS
Is
he gone? Messenio I thinke uppon thy words alreadie.
MESSENIO
Tush
marke I pray, ile laie fortie pound here dwels some Curtizan to whom
this fellow belong.
MENECHMUS
But
I wonder how he knowes my name.
MESSENIO
Oh
ile tell yee. These Courtizans assoone as anie straunge shippe
arriveth at the Haven, they sende a boye or a wench to enquire what
they be, what their names be, //////// they come, wherefore they
come, etc. If they can by any meanes strike acquaintance with him, or
allure him to their houses, he is their owne. We are here in a tickle
place maister, tis best to be circumspect.
MENECHMUS
I
mislike not thy counsaile Messenio.
MESSENIO
I,
but follow it then. Soft, here comes somebodie forth. Here firs,
Marriners, keep this same amongst you.
Enter
Erotium.
EROTIUM
Let
the doore stand so, away, it shall not be shure. Make hast within
there ho: maydes looke that all things be readie. Cover the boord,
put fire under the perfuming pannes, let all things be very handsome.
Where is hee, that Cylindrus
sayd stood without here? Oh, what meane you sweet heart, that ye come
not in? I trust you thinke your selfe more welcome to this house then
to your owne, and great reason why you should do so. Your dinner and
all things are readie as you wil- led.Will ye go sit downe?
MENECHMUS
Whom
doth this woman speake to?
EROTIUM
Even
to you sir, to whom else should I speake?
MENECHMUS
Gentlewoman
ye are a straunger to me, and I marvell at your speeches.
EROTIUM
Yea
sir, but such a straunger, as I acknowledge ye for my best and
dearest friend, and well you have deserved it.
MENECHMUS
Surely
Messenio, this woman is also mad or drunke, that useth all this
kindnesse to mee uppon so small acquaintance.
MESSENIO
Tush,
did not I tell ye right? these be but leaves which fall upon you now,
in comparison of the trees that wil tumble on your necke shortly. I
tolde ye, here were silver tong’de hacsters. But let me talke with
her a litle. Gentlewoman what acquaintance have you with this man?
where have you seene him?
EROTIUM
Where
he sawe me, here in Epidamnum.
CYLINDRUS
I
know you to be Menechmus.
MESSENIO
In
Epidamnum? who never till this day set his foote within the Towne.
EROTIUM
Go,
go, flowting Iack. Menechmus what need al this? I pray go in.
MENECHMUS
She
also calls me by my name.
MESSENIO
She
smels your purse.
MENECHMUS
Messenio
come hither, here take my purse. Ile know whether she aime at me or
my purse, ere I go.
EROTIUM
Will
ye go in, to dinner sir?
MENECHMUS
A
good motion, yea and thanks with all my heart.
EROTIUM
Never
thanke me for that which you commaunded to be provided for your
selfe.
MENECHMUS
That
I commaunded?
EROTIUM
Yea,
for you and your Parasite.
MENECHMUS
My
Parasite?
EROTIUM
Peniculus,
who came with you this morning when you brought me the cloake which
you got from your wife.
MENECHMUS
A
cloake that I brought you, which I got from my wife?
EROTIUM
Tush
what needeth all this iesting? Pray leave off.
MENECHMUS
Iest
or earnest, this I tell ye for a truth. I never had wife, neither
have I, nor never was in this place till this instant: for only thus
farre am I come, since I brake my fast in the ship.
EROTIUM
What
ship do ye tell me off?
*
MESSENIO
Marry
ile tell ye, an old rotten weather-beaten ship, that we have saild up
and downe in this sixe yeares, Ist not time to be going homewards
thinke ye?
EROTIUM
Come,
come, Menechmus, I pray leave this sporting and go in.
MENECHMUS
Well
Gentlewoman, the truth is, you mistake my person, it is some other
that you looke for.
EROTIUM
Why,
thinke ye I know ye not to be Menechmus, the sonne of Moschus, and
have heard ye say, ye were borne at Syracusis, where Agathocles did
raigne, then Pythia, then Liparo, and now Hiero.
MENECHMUS
All
this is true.
MESSENIO
Either
shee is a witch, or else shee hath dwelt there and knew ye there.
MENECHMUS
Ile
goe in with her Messenio, Ile see further of this matter.
MESSENIO
Ye
are cast away then.
MENECHMUS
Why
so? I warrant thee. I can loose nothing, somwhat I shall gaine,
perhaps a good lodging during my abode heere. Ile dissemble with her
an other while. Noew when you please let us go in, I made straunge
with you, because of this fellow here, least he should tell my wife
of the cloake which I gave you.
EROTIUM
Will
ye staie any longer for your Peniculus your Parasite?
MENECHMUS
Not
I, Ile neither staie for him, nor have him let come in, if he do
come.
EROTIUM
All
the better. But sir, will yee doo one thing for me.
MENECHMUS
What
is that?
EROTIUM
To
beare that cloake which you gave me, to the Diars, to have it new
trimd and altred.
MENECHMUS
Yea
that will be well, so my wife shall not know it. Let mee have it with
mee after dinner. I will but speake a worde or two with this fellowe,
then ile follow yee in. Ho Messenio come aside:goe and provide for
thy selfe, and these shipboyes in some Inne, then looke that after
dinner you come hither for me.
MESSENIO
Ah
maister will yee be conycatcht thus wilfully.
MENECHMUS
Peace
follish knave, seest thou not what a sot she is, I shall coozen her I
warrant thee.
MESSENIO
Ay
maister.
MENECHMUS
Wilt
thou be gone?
*
MESSENIO
See,
see, she hath him safe inough now. Thus he hath escaped a hundreth
Pyrates hands at sea: and now one land-rover hath bourded him at
first encounter. Come away fellowes.
[3]
[1]
Enter
Peniculus.
PENICULUS
*Twentie
yeares I thinke and more, have I playde the knave, yet never playd I
the foolish knave as I Have done this morning. I follow Menechmus,
and he goes to the Hall where now the Sessions are holden: there
thrusting our selves into the prease of people, when I was in midst
of all the throng, he gave me the slip, that I could never more set
eye on him, and I dare sweare, came directly to dinner. That I would
he that first devised these Sessions were hang’d, and all that ever
came of him:tis such a hinderance to men that have belly business in
hand. If a man be not there at his call, they amearce him with a
vengeance. Men that have nothing else to do, that do neither bid anie
man, nor are themselves bidden to dinner,such should come to
Sessions, not we that have these matters to looke too. If it were s,
I had not thus lost my dinner this day:which I think in my conscience
he did even purposely couzen me off. Yet I meane to go see : If I can
but light uppon the reversion, I may perhaps get my peny-worthes. But
how now? is this Menechmus coming away from thence? dinner done, and
all dispacht? what execrable lucke have I?
Enter
Menechmus the Traveller.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Tush
I warrant ye, it shall be done as ye would wish, Ile have it so
altered and trimd anew, that it shall by no meanes be knowne againe.
PENICULUS
He
carries the cloake to the Dyars, dinner done, the wine drunke up, the
Parasite shut out of doores. Well, let me live no longer, but ile
revenge this iniurious mockerie. But first ile harken awhile what he
saith.
MENECHMUS
Good
goddes, who ever had such lucke as I? Such cheare, such a dinner,
such kinde entertainment: And for a farewell, this cloake which is
meane shall go with me.
PENICULUS
He
speakes so softly, I cannot heare what hee saith, I am sure he is now
flowting at me for the losse of my dinner.
MENECHMUS
She
tels me how I gave it her, and stole it from my wife. When I
perceived she was in an error, though I knew not how, I began to
sooth her, and to say every thing as she said. Meane while I far’d
well, and that a free cost.
PENICULUS
Well,
I’le go talke with him.
MENECHMUS
Who
is this same that comes to me?
PENICULUS
O
well met fickle-braine, false and treacherous dealer, craftie and
uniust promise breaker. How have I deserved, you should so give me
the slip, come before and dispatch the dinner, deale so badly with
him that hath reverenst ye like a sonne.
MENECHMUS
Good
fellow what meanest thou by these speeches? Raile not on mee, unlesse
thous intendst to receive a Railers hire.
PENICULUS
I
have received the iniury (sure I am) alreadie.
MENECHMUS
Prethee
tell me, what is thy name?
PENICULUS
Well,
well, mock on sir, mock on, doo ye not know my name?
MENECHMUS
In
troth I never sawe thee in all my life, much lesse do I know thee.
PENICULUS
Fie,
awake Menechmus awake, ye oversleepe your selfe.
MENECHMUS
I
am awake, I know what I say.
PENICULUS
Know
you not Peniculus?
MENECHMUS
Peniculus,
or Pediculus, I know thee not.
PENICULUS
Did
ye filch a cloake from your wife this morning, and bring it hither to
Erotium?
MENECHMUS
Neither
have I wife, neither gave I any cloake to Erotium, neither filcht I
any from any bodie.
PENICULUS
Will
ye denie that which you did in my company?
PENICULUS
Wlith
thou say I have done this in thy company?
PENICULUS
Vvill
I say it? Yea I will stand to it.
MENECHMUS
Away
filthie mad drivell away, I will talke no longer with thee.
PENICULUS
Not
a world of men shall staie me, but ile go tell his wife of all the
whole matter, sith he is at this point with me I will make this same
as unflest a dinner as ever he eate.
MENECHMUS
It
makes mee wonder, to see how every one that meetes me cavils thus
with me. Vvherefore comes foorth the mayd now?
Enter
Ancilla, Erotium’s mayd.
ANCILLA
Menechmus,
my mistresse commends her hartily to you, and seeing you goe that way
to the Dyars, shee also desireth you to take this Chaine with you,
and put it to mending at the Goldsmythes, shee would have two or
three ounces of gold more in it, and the fashion amended.
MENECHMUS
Either
this or any thing else within my power, tell her, I am readie to
accomplish.
ANCILLA
Do
ye know this Chaine sir?
MENECHMUS
Yea
I know it to be gold.
ANCILLA
This
is the same you once tooke out of your wives Casket.
MENECHMUS
Vvho,
did I?
ANCILLA
Have
you forgotten?
MENECHMUS
I
never did it.
ANCILLA
Give
it me againe then.
MENECHMUS
Tarry,
yes I remember it: tis it I gave you mistress.
ANCILLA
Oh,
are ye advised?
MENECHMUS
Vvhere
are the bracelets that I gave her likewise?
ANCILLA
I
never knew of anie
MENECHMUS
Faith,
when I gave this, I gave them too.
ANCILLA
Vvell
sir, ile tell her this shall be done.
MENECHMUS
I,
I, tell her so, shee shall have the cloake and this both togither.
ANCILLA
I
pray Menechmus, put a litle iewell for my eare to making for me, ye
know I am alwaies readie to pleasure you.
MENECHMUS
I
will, give mee the golde, ile paie for the workemanship.
ANCILLA
Laie
out for me, ile paie it ye againe.
MENECHMUS
Alas
I have none now.
ANCILLA
When
you have, will ye?
MENECHMUS
I
will. Goe bid your mistresse make no doubt of these, I warrant her,
ile make the best hand I can of them. Is
she gone? Doo not all
the gods conspire to loade mee with good lucke? well I see tis high
time to get mee out of these coasts, least all these matters should
be lewd devised to draw me into some snare. There shall my garland
lie, beacuse if they seeke me, they may thinke I am gone that way. *
I wil now goe see if I can finde my man Messenio, that I may tell him
how Is have sped.
[4]
[1]
Enter
Mulier, the wife of Menechmus the Citizen, and Peniculus.
MULIER
Thinkes
he I will be made such a sot, and to be still his drudge, while he
prowles and purloynes all that I have to give his Trulles?
PENICULUS
Nay
hold your peace, wee’ll catch him in the nicke. This way he came,
in his garland forsooth, bearing the cloak to the Dyars. And see I
pray where the garland lyes, this way he is gone. See, see, where he
comes againe now without the cloake.
MULIER
Vvhat
shall I now do?
PENICULUS
Vvhat
that which ye ever do, bayt him for life.
MULIER
Surely
I thinke it best so.
PENICULUS
Stay,
wee will stand a side a little, ye shall catch him unawares.
Enter
Menechmus the Citizen.
MENECHMUS
It
would make a man at his wittes end, to see how brabbling causes are
handled yonder at the Court. If a poore man never so honst, have a
matter come to be scand, there is hee outfaste, and overlaide with
countenance: If a Rich man never so vile a wretch come to speake,
there they are all readie to fauour his cause. Vvhat with facing out
bad causes for the oppressors, and patronizing some iust actions for
the wronged, the Lawyers they pocket up all the gaines. For mine own
part, I come not away emptie, though I have bene kept long against my
will : For taking in hand to dispatch a matter this morning for one
of my acquaintaunce, I was no sooner entered into it, but his
adversaries laide so hard unto his charge, and brought such matter
against him, that do what I could, I could not winde my selfe out til
now. I am fore afrayd Erotium thinks much unkindnes in me that I
staid so long, yet she will not be angry considering the gift I gave
her to day.
PENICULUS
How
thinke ye by that?
MULIER
I
thinke him a most vile wretch thus to abuse me.
MENECHMUS
I
will hie me thither.
MULIER
Yea
go pilferer, goe with shame inough, no bodie sees your lewd dealings
and vile theevery.
MENECHMUS
How
now wife, what aile yee? What is the matter?
MULIER
Aske
yee whats the matter? Fye uppon thee.
PENICULUS
Are
ye not in a fit of an ague, your pulses beate so sore? To him I say.
MENECHMUS
Pray
wife, why are ye so angry with me?
MULIER
Oh
you know not?
PENICULUS
He
knowes, but he would dissemble it.
MENECHMUS
What
is it?
MULIER
My
cloake.
MENECHMUS
Your
cloake.
MULIER
My
cloake man, why do ye blush?
PENICULUS
He
cannot cloake his blushing. Nay I might not go to dinner with you, do
ye remember? to him I say.
MENECHMUS
Hold
thy peace Peniculus.
PENICULUS
Ha
hold my peace, looke ye, he beckons on mee to hold my peace.
MENECHMUS
I
neither becken nor winke on him.
MULIER
Out,
out, what a wretched life is this that I live.
MENECHMUS
Why
what aile ye woman?
MULIER
Are
ye not ashamed to deny so confidently, that which is apparent.
MENECHMUS
I
protest unto you before all the goddes (is not this inough) that I
beckond not on him.
PENICULUS
Oh
sir, this is an other matter, touch him in the former cause.
MENECHMUS
What
former cause?
PENICULUS
The
cloake man, the cloake, fecth the cloake againe from the Dyars.
MENECHMUS
What
cloake?
MULIER
Nay
ile say no more, sith ye know nothing of your owne doings.
MENECHMUS
Tell
me wife, hath any of your servants abused you? Let me know.
MULIER
Tush,
tush.
MENECHMUS
I
would not have you to be thus disquietted.
MULIER
Tush,
tush.
MENECHMUS
You
are fallen out with some of your friends.
MULIER
Tush,
tush.
MENECHMUS
Sure
I am, I have not offended you.
MULIER
No,
you have dealt verie honestly.
MENECHMUS
Indeed
wife, I have deserved none of these words, tell me, are ye not well?
PENICULUS
What
shall he flatter ye now?
MENECHMUS
I
speak not to thee knave. Good wife come hither.
MULIER
Away,
away, keep your hand off.
PENICULUS
So,
bid me to dinner with you againe, then slip away from me, when you
have done, come forth bravely in your garland to flout me: Alas you
knew not me, even now.
MENECHMUS
Why
Asse, I neither have yet dined, nor came I there, since we were there
togither.
PENICULUS
Vvho
ever heard one so impudent? Did yee not meete me here even now, and
would make me beleeve I was
mad,
and said ye were a straunger, and ye knew me not?
MENECHMUS
Of
a truth since wee went togither to the Sessions Hall, I never
returned till this very instant, as you two met
me.
PENICULUS
Go
too, go too, I know ye well inough. Did ye think I would not cry
quittance with you, yes faith, I have tolde your wife all.
MENECHMUS
What
hast thou told her?
PENICULUS
I
cannot tell, aske her.
MENECHMUS
Tell
me wife, what hath he told ye of me? Tell me I say, what was it?
MULIER
As
though you knew not, my cloake is stolne from me.
MENECHMUS
Is
your cloake stolne from ye?
MULIER
Do
ye aske me?
MENECHMUS
I
knew, I would not aske.
PENICULUS
O
craftie companion, how he would shift the matter, Come, come, deny it
not, I tell ye, I have bewrayd all.
MENECHMUS
What
hast thou bewrayd?
MULIER
Seeing
ye will yeeld to nothing be it never so manifest, Heare mee, and ye
shall know in fewe words both the cause of my griefe, and what he
hath told me. I say my cloake is stolne from me.
MENECHMUS
My
cloake is stolne from me?
PENICULUS
Looke
how he cavils, she saith it is stolne from her.
MENECHMUS
I
have nothing to say to thee: I say wife tell me.
MULIER
I
tell ye, my cloake is stolne out of my house.
MENECHMUS
Who
stole it?
MULIER
He
knowes best that carried it away.
MENECHMUS
Who
was that?
MULIER
Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
T’was
very ill done of him. What Menechmus was that?
MULIER
You.
MENECHMUS
I,
who will say so?
MULIER
I
will.
PENICULUS
And
I: and that you gave it to Erotius.
MENECHMUS
I
gave it?
MULIER
You.
PENICULUS
You,
you, you, shall we fetch a kennel of Beagles that may cry nothing but
you, you, you, you. Sir we are wearie of it.
MENECHMUS
Heare
me one word wife, I protest unto you by all the gods, I gave it her
not, indeed I lent it her to use a while.
MULIER
Faith
sir, I never give nor lend your apparell out of doores, mee thinkes
ye might let mee dispose of mine owne garments, as you do of yours. I
pray then fetch it mee home againe.
MENECHMUS
You
shall have it againe without faile.
MULIER
Tis
best for you that I have : otherwise thinke not to roost within these
doores againe.
PENICULUS
Harke
ye.what say ye to me now, for bringing these matters to your
knowledge?
MULIER
I
say, when thou hast anie thing stolne from thee, come to me, and I
will helpe thee to seeke it. And so fare-
well.
PENICULUS
God
a mercy for nothing, that can never be, for I have nothing in the
world worth the stealing. So now with husband and wife and all, I am
cleane out of fauour. A mischiefe on ye all.
Exit.
MENECHMUS
My
wife thinks she is notably reveng’d on me, now she shuttes mee out
of doores, as though I had not a better place to be welcome too. If
she shut me out, I know who wil shut me in. Now will I entreate
Erotium to le me have the cloake againe to stop my wives mouth
withall, and then will I provide a better for her. Ho who is within
there? somebodie tell Erotium I must speake with her.
Enter
Erotium.
EROTIUM
Who
calls?
MENECHMUS
Your
friend, more then his owne.
EROTIUM
O
Menechmus, why stand ye here? Pray come it.
MENECHMUS
Tarry,
I must speake with ye here.
EROTIUM
Say
your minde.
MENECHMUS
Wot
ye what? my wife knowes all the matter now, and my coming is, to
request you, that I may have againe the cloake which I brought you,
that so I may appease her: and I promise you, ile give ye an other
worth two of it.
EROTIUM
Why
I gave it you to carry to your Dyars, and my chaine likewise, to have
it altered.
MENECHMUS
Gave
me the cloake and your chaines? In truth I never sawe ye since I left
it heere with you, and so went to the Sessions, from whence I am but
now returned.
EROTIUM
Ah
then sir, I see you wrought a device to defraude mee of them both,
did I therefore put yee in trust? Well, well.
MENECHMUS
To
defraud ye? No, but I say, my wife hath intelligence of the matter.
EROTIUM
Why
sir, I asked them not, ye brought them me of your owne free motion.
Now ye require them againe, take them make sops of them:you and your
wife togither, think ye I esteeme them or you either. Goe, come to
mee againe when I send for you.
MENECHMUS
What
so angry with mee, sweete Erotium? Staie, I pray staie.
*
EROTIUM
Staie?
Faith sir no:thinke ye I will staie at your request?
MENECHMUS
What
gone in chasing, and clapt to the doores:now I am everie way shut oyt
for a very benchwhistler: neither shall I have entertainment heere
nor at hime. I were best go trie some other friends, and aske
counsaile what to do.
[5]
[1]
Enter
Menechmus the Traveller, Mulier.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Most
foolishly was I overseene in giving my purse and money to Messenio,
whom I can no where find, I feare he is fallen into some lewd
companie.
MULIER
I
marvaile that my husband comes not yet, but see where he is now, and
brings my cloake with him.
MENECHMUS
I
muse where the knave should be.
MULIER
I
will go ring a peale through both his eares for this his dishonest
behaviour. Oh sir, ye are welcome home with your theevery on your
shoulders, are ye not ashamde to let all the world see and speake of
your lewdnesse?
MENECHMUS
How
now? what lackes this woman?
MULIER
Impudent
beast, stand ye to question about it? For shame hold thy peace.
MENECHMUS
What
offence have I done woman, that I should not speake to you?
MULIER
Askest
thou what offence? O shamelesse boldnesse.
MENECHMUS
Good
woman, did ye never heare why the Greci- ands termed Hecuba be a
bitch?
MULIER
Never.
MENECHMUS
Because
she did as you do now, on whom soever she met withall, she railed,
and therfore well deserved that dogged name.
MULIER
These
foule abuses and contumelies, I can never endure, nay rather will I
live a widowes life to my dying day.
MENECHMUS
What
care I whether thou livest as a widow or as a wife. This passeth,
that I meet with none but thus they vexe me with straunge speeches.
MULIER
What
straunge speeches? I say I will surely live a widowes life, rather
then suffer thy vile dealings.
MENECHMUS
Prethee
for my part, live a widow till the worldes end, if thou wilt.
MULIER
Even
now thou deniedst that thou stolest it from mad, and now thou
bringest it home openly in my sight. Art not ashamde?
MENECHMUS
Woman,
you are greatly to blame to charge mee with stealing of this cloake,
which this day an other gave me to carry to be trimde.
MULIER
Well,
I will first complaine to my father. Ho boy, who is within there?
Vecio go runne quickly to my father, desire him of all love to come
over quickly to my house. Ile tell him first of your prankes, I hope
he will not see me thus handled.
MENECHMUS
What
a Gods name meaneth this mad woman thus to vexe me?
MULIER
I
am mad because I tell ye of your vile actions, anlewde pilfring away
my apparell and my Iewels, to carry to your filthie drabbes.
MENECHMUS
For
whome this woman taketh mee I know not, I know her as much as I know
Hercules wives father.
MULIER
Do
ye not know me? That’s well, I hope ye know my father, here he
comes, looke, do ye know him?
MENECHMUS
As
much as I know Calcas of Troy. Even him and thee I know both alike.
MULIER
Doest
know neither of us both, me nor my father?
MENECHMUS
Faith
nor thy granfather neither.
MULIER
This
is like the rest of your behaviour.
Enter
Senex.
SENEX
*
Though bearing so great a burthen, as olde age, I can make no great
haste, yet as I can, I will goe to my daughter, who I know hath some
earnest businesse with me, that shesends in such haste, not telling
the cause why I should come. But I durst laie a wager, I can gesse
neare the matter : I suppose it is some brabble between her husband
and her. These yoong women that bring great dowries to their
husbands, are so masterfull and obstinate, that they will have their
own wils in everie thing, and make men servants to their weake
affections. And young men too, I must needs say, be naught nowadayes.
Well ile go see, but yonder mee thinks stands my daughter, and her
husband too. Oh tis even as I gessed.
MULIER
Father
ye are welcome.
SENEX
How
now daughter? What? is all well? why is your husband so sad? have ye
bin chiding? tell me, vvhich of you is in the fault?
MULIER
First
father know, that I have not any way misbe- haved my selfe, but the
truth is, I can by no meanes endure this bad man to die for it : and
therefore desire you to take me home to you againe.
SENEX
What
is the matter?
MULIER
He
makes me astale and a laughing stocke to all the world.
SENEX
Who
doth?
MULIER
This
good husband here, to whom you married me.
SENEX
See,
see, how oft have I warned you of falling out with your husband?
MULIER
I
cannot auoid it, if he doth so fowly abuse me.
SENEX
I
alwaies told ye, you must beare with him, ye must let him alone, ye
must not watch him, nor dog him, nor meddle with his courses in any
sort.
MULIER
Hee
hauntes naughtie harlottes under my nose.
SENEX
Hee
is the wiser, because hee cannot bee quiet at home.
MULIER
There
hee feastes and bancquets, and spendes and spoiles.
SENEX
Wold
ye have your husband serve ye as your drudge? Ye will not let him
make merry, nor entertaine his friendes at home.
MULIER
Father
will ye take his part in these abuses, and forsake me?
SENEX
Not
so daughter, but if I see cause, I wil as well tel him of his dutie.
MENECHMUS
I
vvould I vvere gone from this prating father and daughter.
SENEX
Hitherto
I see not but hee keepes ye vvell, ye vvant nothing, apparell, mony,
servants, meate, drinke, all thinges necessaire: I feare there is
fault in you.
MULIER
But
he filcheth away my apparrell and my iewels, to give to his Trulles.
SENEX
If
he doth so, tis verie ill done, if not, you doo ill to say so.
MULIER
You
may beleeve me father, for there you may see my cloake which now he
hath fetcht home againe, and my chaine which he stole from me.
SENEX
Now
will I goe talke with him to knowe the truth. Tell me Menechmus, how
is it, that I heare such disorder in your life? Why are ye so sad
man? wherein hath your wife offended you?
MENECHMUS
Old
man (what to call ye I know not) by high Iobe, and by all the Gods I
sweare unto you, whatsoever this woman here accuseth mee to have
stolne from her, it is utterly false and untrue, and if I ever set
foote within her doores, I wishe the greatest miserie in the worlde
to light uppon me.
SENEX
Why
fond man, art thou mad to deny that thou ever setst foote within
thine owne house where thou dwellest?
MENECHMUS
Do
I dwell in that house?
SENEX
Doest
thou denie it?
MENECHMUS
I
do.
SENEX
Harke
yee daughter, are ye remooved out of your house?
MULIER
Father,
he useth you as he doth me, this life I have with him.
SENEX
Menechmus,
I pray leave this fondnesse, ye iest too perversly with your friends.
MENECHMUS
Good
old father, what I pray have you to do with me? or why should this
woman thus trouble me, with whom I have no dealings in the world?
MULIER
Father,
marke I pray, how his eies sparkle, they rowle in his head, his
colour goes and comes, he lookes wildly.
See, see.
MENECHMUS
What?
they say now I am mad, the best way for me is to faine my selfe mad
ineed, so I shall be rid of them.
MULIER
Looke
how he stares about, now he gapes.
SENEX
Come
away daughter, come from him.
*
MENECHMUS
Eachus,
Appollo, Phebus, do ye call mee to come hunt in the woods with you, I
see, I heare, I come, I flie, but I cannot get out of these fields.
Here is an old mastiffe bitch stands barking at mee, and by her
standes an old goate that beares false witnesse against many a poore
man.
SENEX
Out
upon him Bedlam foole.
MENECHMUS
Harke,
Appollo commaunds me that I should rende out hir eyes with a burning
lampe.
MULIER
O
father, he threatens to pull put mine eyes.
MENECHMUS
Good
gods, these folke say I am mad, and doubtlesse they are mad
themselves.
SENEX
Daughter.
MULIER
Here
father, what shall we do?
SENEX
What
if I fetch my folkes hither, and have him carried in before he do any
harme.
MENECHMUS
How
now? they will carry mee in if I looke not to my selfe: I were best
to skare them better yet. Doest thou bid me Phebus, to teare this dog
in peeces with my nayles? If I laie hold on him, I will do thy
commandment.
SENEX
Get
thee into thy house daughter, away quickly.
MENECHMUS
She
is gone : yea Appollo I will sacrifice this olde beast unto thee: and
it thou commandest mee, I will cut his throate with that dagger that
hands at his girdle.
SENEX
Come
not neare me sirra.
MENECHMUS
Yea
I will quarter him, and pull all the bones out of his flesh, then
will I barrell up his bowels.
SENEX
Sure
I am sore afraid he will do some hurt.
MENECHMUS
Many
things thou commandest me Appollo, wouldst thou have me harnesse up
these wilde horses, and then clime up into the Chariot, and so
over-ride this old sticking toothlesse Lyon. So now I am in the
Chariot, and I have hold on the raines, here is my whip, hait, come
ye wilde Iades, make a Hideous noyse with your stamping: hait I say,
will ye not go?
SENEX
What?
doth he threaten me with his horses?
MENECHMUS
Harke,
now Appollo bids mee ride over him that that stands there, and kill
him. How now? who pulles mee downe from my Chariot by the haires of
my head. Oh shall I not fulfill Appolloes commandment?
SENEX
See,
see, what a sharpe disease this is, and how well he was even now. I
will fetch a Phisition straight, before hee grow too farre into this
rage.
Exit.
Enter
Senex and Medicus.
SENEX
My
loines ake with sitting, and ////////////////////////// king, while I
staie for yonder laizie /////////////////////////////// the creeping
drawlatch comes.
MEDICUS
What
disease hath hee said you? Is it a letarge or a lunacies, or
melancholia, or dropsie?
SENEX
Wherfore
I pray do I bring you, but that you shuld tell me what it is? And
cure him of it.
MEDICUS
Fie,
make no question of that, Ile cure him I warrant ye. Oh here he
comes, staie, let us marke what he doth.
Enter
Menechmus the Citizen.
MENECHMUS
Never
in my life had I more overthwart fortune in one day, and all by the
villanie of this false knave the Parasite, my Ulisses that works such
//mischiefs against mee his king. But le me live no longer, but ile
be revengde uppon the life of him: his life? Nay tis my life, for hee
lives by my meate and drinke, Ile utterly withdraw the slaves life
from him. And Erotium shee sheweth plainly what she is : who because
I require the cloake again to carrie to my wife, saith I gave it her,
and flatly falles out with me. How unfortunate am I?
SENEX
Do
ye heare him?
MEDICUS
He
complaines of his fortune.
SENEX
Go
to him.
MEDICUS
Menechmus,
how do ye man? why keepe you not your cloake over your arme? It is
verie hurtfull to your disease. Keepe ye warme I pray.
MENECHMUS
Why
hang thy selfe, what carest thou.
MEDICUS
Sir
can you smell anie thing?
MENECHMUS
I
smell a prating dolt of thee.
MEDICUS
Oh
I will have your head throughly purged. Pray tell me Menechmus, what
use you to drinke? white wine or claret?
MENECHMUS
What
the divell carest thou?
SENEX
Looke,
his fit now begins.
MENECHMUS
Why
doest not as well aske mee whether I eate bread, or cheese, or
//////// or porredge //////////////////eare feathers, or
fis///////////// talke he falleth into.
MEDICUS
Tarry,
I will aske him further. Menechmus, tell me, be not your eyes heavie
and dull some- times?
MENECHMUS
What
doest thinke I am an Owle?
MEDICUS
Doo
not your guttes gripe ye, and croake in your belly?
MENECHMUS
When
I am hungrie they do, else not.
MEDICUS
He
speakes not like a mad man in that. Sleepe ye soundly all night?
MENECHMUS
When
I have paid my debts I do. The mischiefe light on thee, with all thy
friuolous questions.
MEDICUS
Oh
now he rageth upon those words, take heed.
SENEX
Oh
this is nothing to the rage he was in even now. He called his wife
bitch, and all to nought.
MENECHMUS
Did
I?
SENEX
Thou
didst, mad fellow, and threatenedst to ryde over me here with a
Chariot and horses, and to kill mee, and
teare me in peeces.
This thou didst, I know what I say.
MENECHMUS
I
say, thou stolest Iupiters Crowne from his head, and thou wert whipt
through the Towne for it, and that
thou hast kild thy father,
and beaten thy mother. Doo ye thinke I am so mad that I cannot devise
as notable lyes of you, as you do of me?
SENEX
Maister
Doctor, pray heartily make speede to cure him, see ye not how mad he
waxeth?
MEDICUS
Ile
tell ye, hee shall be brought over to my house, and there will I cure
him.
SENEX
Is
that best?
MEDICUS
What
else, there I can order him as I list.
SENEX
Well,
it shall be so.
MEDICUS
Oh
sir, I will make yee take neesing powder this twentie dayes.
MENECHMUS
Ile
beate yee first with a bastanado, this thirtie dayes.
MEDICUS
Fetch
men to carry him to my house.
SENEX
How
many will serve the turne?
MEDICUS
Being
no madder then hee is now, foure will serve.
SENEX
Ile
fetch them, staie you with him maister Doctor.
MEDICUS
No
by my faith, Ile foe home to make readie all things neefull. Let your
men bring him hither.
SENEX
I
go.
Exeunt.
MENECHMUS
Are
they both gone? Good Gods what meaneth this? These men say I am mad,
who without doubt are mad themselves. I stirre not, I fight no, I am
not sicke. I speake to them, I know them. Well what were I now best
to do? I would goe home, but my wife shuttes me foorth a doores.
Erotium is as farre out with me too. Even here I will rest me till
the evening, I hope by that time, they will take pittie on me.
Enter
Messenio, the Traveller’s servant.
MESSENIO
*
The proofe of a good sevant, is to regard his maisters businesse as
well in his absence, as in his presence: and I
thinke him a
verie foole that is not carefull as well for his ribbes and
shoulders, as for his belly and throate. When I think upon the
rewards of a sluggard, I am ever pricjed with a carefull regard of my
backe and shoulders: for in truth I have no fancie to these blows, as
many a one hath : methinks it is no pleasure to a man to be basted
with a ropes end two or three houres togither. I have provided yonder
in the Towne, for all our marriners, and safely bestowed all my
masters Trunkes and fardels: and am now coming to see if he be yet
got forth of this daungerous gulfe, where I feare me is over plunged,
pray God he be not overwhelmed and and past helpe ere I come.
Enter
Senex, with four Lorarij, porters.
SENEX
Before
Gods and me, I charge and commaund you sirs, to execute with great
care that which I appoint you: if yee love the safetie of your owne
ribbes and shoulders, then goe take me up my sonne in lawe, laie all
hands upon him, why stand ye stil? what do ye doubt? I saie, care not
for his threatnings, nor for anie of his words. Take him up and bring
him to the Phisitions house: I will go thither before.
Exit.
MENECHMUS
What
newes? how now masters? what will ye do with me? why do ye thus beset
me? whither carrie ye mee? Helpe, helpe, neighbors, friends,
citizens.
MESSENIO
O
Iupiter, what do I see? my maister abused by a companie of varlets.
MENECHMUS
Is
there no good man will helpe me?
MESSENIO
Helpe
ye maister ì? yes the villaines shall have my life before they shall
thus wrong ye. Tis more fit I should be kild, then you thus handled.
Pull out that rascals eye that holds ye about the necke there. I’le
clout these peasants, out ye rogue, let go ye varlet.
MENECHMUS
I
have hold of this vaillaines eie.
MESSENIO
Pull
it out, and let the place appeare in his head. Away ye cutthroat
theeves, ye murtherers.
LORARII
OMNES
O,
o, ay, ay, crie pittifullie.
MESSENIO
Away,
get ye hence, ye mongrels, ye dogs. Will ye be gone? Thou raskall
behind there, ile give thee somewhat
more, take that. It was
time to come maister, you had bene in good case if I had not bene
heere now, I tolde you what would come of it.
MENECHMUS
Now
as the gods love me, my good friend I thank thee :thou hast done that
for me which I shall never be able to require.
MESSENIO
I’le
tell ye how sir, give me my freedome.
MENECHMUS
Should
I give it thee?
MESSENIO
Seeing
you cannot require my good turne.
MENECHMUS
Thou
art deceived man.
MESSENIO
Wherein?
MENECHMUS
On
mine honestie, I am none of thy maister // had never yet anie servant
would do so much for me.
MESSENIO
Why
then bid me be free: will you?
MENECHMUS
Yea
surelie, be free, for my part.
MESSENIO
O
sweetly spoken, thanks my good maister.
SERVUS
ALIUS
Messenio,
we are all glad of your good fortune.
MESSENIO
O
maister, ile call ye maister still. I praie use me inanie service as
ye did before, ile dwell with you still, and when
ye fo home,
ile wait upon you.
MENECHMUS
Nay,
nay, it shall not need.
MESSENIO
Ile
goe straight to the Inne and deliver up my accounts, and all your
stuffe: your purse is lockt up safely sea-
led in the casket, as
you gave it mee. I will goe fetch it to you.
MENECHMUS
Do,
fetch it.
MESSENIO
I
will.
MENECHMUS
I
was never thus perplext Some deny me to be him that I am, and shut me
out of their doores. This fellow faith he is my bondman, and of me he
begs his freedome: he will fetch my purse and monie: well if he bring
it, I will receive it, and set him free, I would he would so go his
way. My old father in law, and the Doctor saie I am mad, who ever
sawe such straunge demeanors? well though Erotium
be never so angrie, yet once againe ile go see if by intreatie I can
get the cloake on her to carrie to my wife.
Exit.
Enter Menechmus the Traveller, and Messenio.
MENECHMUS
Impudent
knave, wilt thou say that I ever saw thee since I sent thee away to
day, and bad thee come for mee after dinner?
MESSENIO
Ye
make me starke mad: I tooke ye away and reskued ye from foure great
bigboand villaines, that were carrying ye away even heere in this
place. Heere they had ye up, you cried, Helpe, helpe, I came running
to you, you and I togither beate them away by maine force. Then for
my good turne and faithfull service, ye gave mee my freedome: I tolde
ye I would go fetch your Casket, now in the mean time you ranne some
other way to get before me, and so you denie it all againe.
MENECHMUS
I
gave thee thy freedome?
MESSENIO
You
did.
MENECHMUS
When
I give thee thy freedome, Ile be a bondman my selfe: go thy wayes.
MESSENIO
Wheew,
marry I thank ye for nothing.
Enter
Menechmus the Citizen.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Forsworne
Queanes, sweare till your hearts ake, and your yes fall out, ye shall
never make me beleeve that I carried hence either cloake or chaine.
MESSENIO
O
heavens, maister what do I see?
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
What?
MESSENIO
Your
ghoast.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
What
ghoast?
MESSENIO
Your
Image, as like you as can be possible.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Surely
not much unlike me as I thinke.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
O
my good friend and helper, well met: thanks for thy late good helpe.
MESSENIO
Sir,
may I crave to know your name?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
were too blame if I should not tell thee anie thing, my name is
Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Nay
my friend, that is my name.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
am of Syracusis in Sicilia.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
So
am I.
MESSENIO
Are
you a Syracusan?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
am.
MESSENIO
O,
ho, I know ye: this is my maister, I thought hee there, had bene my
maister, and was proffering my service to him, pray pardon me sir, if
I sais anything I should not.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Why
doating patch, didst thou not come with me this morning from the
ship?
MESSENIO
My
faith he saies true, this is my maister, you may go looke ye a man:
God save ye maister: you sir farewell. This is Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
say that I am Menechmus.
MESSENIO
What
a iest is this? Are you Menechmus?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Even
Menechmus the sonne of Moschus.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
My
fathers sonne?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Friend,
I go about neither to take your father nor your country from you.
MESSENIO
O
immortall Gods, let it fall out as I hope, and for my life these are
the two Twinnes, all things afree so iump
togither. I will
speake to my maister. Menechmus?
BOTH
What
wilt thou?
MESSENIO
I
call ye not both, but which of you came with me from the ship?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Not
I.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
I
did.
MESSENIO
Then
I call you. Come hither.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Whats
the matter?
MESSENIO
This
fame is either some notable cousening Iugler, or else it is your
brother whome we seeke. I never sawe one man so like an other, water
to water, nor milke to milke, is not liker the he is to you.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Indeed
I thinke thou saiest true. Finde it that is thy brother and I have
promise thee thy freedom.
MESSENIO
Well,
let me about //// Have ue sir, you say your name is Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
do.
MESSENIO
So
is this mans. You are of Syracusis?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
True.
MESSENIO
So
is he. Moscus
was
your father?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
He
was.
MESSENIO
So
was he his. What will you sau, if I find that ye are brothers and
twins?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
would thinke it happie newes.
MESSENIO
Nay
staie maisters both, I meane to have the honor of this exploit. A////
me your name is Menechmus?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Yea.
MESSENIO
And
yours?
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
And
mine.
MESSENIO
You
are of Syracusis.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
I
am.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
And
I.
MESSENIO
Well,
this goeth right thus farre. What is the farthest thing that you
remember there?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
How
I went with my father to Tarentum, to a freat mart, and there in the
preasse I was stolne from him,
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
O
Iupiter!
MESSENIO
Peace,
what exclaiming is this? How old were ye then?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
About
seven yeare old, for even then I shedde teeth, and since that time, I
never heard of anie of my kindred.
MESSENIO
Had
ye never a brother?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Yes,
as I remember, I heard them say, we were two twinnes.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
O
Fortune!
MESSENIO
Turn,
can ye not be quiet? Were ye both of one name?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Nay
(as I think) they cald my brother, sosicles.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
It
is he, what need farther proofe? O Brother, brother, let me embrace
thee.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Sir,
if this be true, I am wonderfully glad, but how is it, that ye are
called Menechmus?
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
When
it was tolde us that you and our father were both dead, our
Graundsire (in memorie of my fathers name) chaungde mine to
Menechmus.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Tis
very like he would do so indeed. But let me aske ye one question
more, what was our mothers name?
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Theusimarche.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Brother,
the most welcome to mee, that the world holdeth.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
I
ioy, and ten thousand ioyes the more, having taken so long travaile
and huge paines to seeke you.
MESSENIO
See
now, how all this matter comes about. This it was, that the
Gentlewoman had ye in to dinner, thinking it had bene he.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
True
it is, I willed a dinner to be provided for me heere this morning,
and I also brought hither closely a cloake of my wives, and gave it
to this woman.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Is
not this the same, brother?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
How
came you by this?
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
This
woman met me, had me in to dinner, enterteined me most kindly, and
gave me this cloake, and this Chaine.
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Indeed
she tooke ye for mee: and I beleeve I have bene as straungely handled
by occason of your comming.
MESSENIO
You
shall have time inough to laugh at all these matters hereafter. Do ye
remember maister, what ye promised me?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Brother
I will intreate you to performe your promise to Messenio, he is
worthie of it.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
I
am content.
MESSENIO
Io
Tryumphe.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Brother,
will ye now go with me to Syracusis?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
So
soone as I can sell away such goods as I possesse here in Epidamnum,
I will go with you.
MENECHMUS
THE TRAVELLER
Thanks
my good Brother!
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Messenio,
plaie thou the Crier for me, and make a proclamation.
MESSENIO
A
fit office. Come on. O yes. What day shall your sale be?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
This
day sennight.
MESSENIO
All
men, women and children, in Epidamnum, or elsewhere, that will
repaire to Menechmus house this day senight, shall there finde all
maner of things to sell: servaunts, houshold stuffe, house, gronnd,
and all : so they bring readie money. Will ye sell your wife too sir?
MENECHMUS
THE CITIZEN
Yea,
but I thinke no bodie will bid money for her.
MESSENIO
Thus
Gentlemen we take our leves, and if we have pleasde, we require a
Plaudite.
FINIS